Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
Hello, My name is Ian, and I have been reflexively lying for a long time, I'm not sure when it started, sticking my hand (and head) down that rabbithole is a slow process... I'm consciously willing myself to go a little further each time I asses myself but I'm scared, very scared to see what will be revealed.
I only recently came to accept I have a serious problem. A girlfriend, Whom I love deeply caught me out in a lie I didn't need to tell and was easily checked. I am only just beginning to understand why I am like this, but I think a lot of it stems from not being happy in my life, preferring to create small tweaks in things ("Yes I got the commission but I couldn't do it because I am too busy" rather than "I didn't get the commission" for instance) until I gradually was continuously unconsciously unhappy with my own lack of (perceived or actual) success. It seems unbelievable that I couldn't notice that at the time, (or indeed as I read this back - that it could be a good reason for distorting myself so much) But my loving supportive girlfriend - who is probably the best human being I know was all I could think about trying to impress and keep happy.
I attach no blame to her at all with that statement, The amount of hurt I caused her, like my actions, rest solely with me.
I dont know what will become of her and me, Id really like to make it work, But so much damage has been done I think we will have to take very small steps together - if she wants to, Since she caught me and was understandably distraught - which no amount of words do justice here, I seem to have had a super download of empathy, I liken it a lot to what I've read addicts or alcoholics go through in therapy and rehab and I suspect emotional control might be at the root of this problem but it seems so strange and I cant help but think about the hurt I;ve caused her and others I feel as if Im constantly dissolving and reforming
If its ok, I will continue to post about this and try to explain my feelings and I would really like some help from others who have been in a similar situation.
(New thought - I cant think of the last time I asked for help with something personnel or admitted I needed help in a problem)
Thanks
Ian
I only recently came to accept I have a serious problem. A girlfriend, Whom I love deeply caught me out in a lie I didn't need to tell and was easily checked. I am only just beginning to understand why I am like this, but I think a lot of it stems from not being happy in my life, preferring to create small tweaks in things ("Yes I got the commission but I couldn't do it because I am too busy" rather than "I didn't get the commission" for instance) until I gradually was continuously unconsciously unhappy with my own lack of (perceived or actual) success. It seems unbelievable that I couldn't notice that at the time, (or indeed as I read this back - that it could be a good reason for distorting myself so much) But my loving supportive girlfriend - who is probably the best human being I know was all I could think about trying to impress and keep happy.
I attach no blame to her at all with that statement, The amount of hurt I caused her, like my actions, rest solely with me.
I dont know what will become of her and me, Id really like to make it work, But so much damage has been done I think we will have to take very small steps together - if she wants to, Since she caught me and was understandably distraught - which no amount of words do justice here, I seem to have had a super download of empathy, I liken it a lot to what I've read addicts or alcoholics go through in therapy and rehab and I suspect emotional control might be at the root of this problem but it seems so strange and I cant help but think about the hurt I;ve caused her and others I feel as if Im constantly dissolving and reforming
If its ok, I will continue to post about this and try to explain my feelings and I would really like some help from others who have been in a similar situation.
(New thought - I cant think of the last time I asked for help with something personnel or admitted I needed help in a problem)
Thanks
Ian
I am in a similar boat. I have lied to my wife alot and she has caught me in them. now has me looking for a place to stay because right now she says she needs time to process everything and see if she wants to work on the marriage. lies have gotten me no where in life but into a deep pile of shit. I cant even begin to explain to her how sorry i am for hurting her. however because I have done it before and said sorry and just did the same damn thing. she says she cant believe me. i try to tell her this time is different and yet again she doesnt believe me. dont get me wrong I dont blame her for that. it is frustrating because when I am being truthful she doesnt believe me. it is a long road ahead. what helps me get through it and to remind myself to be honest is I think about every word that comes out before I actually say it I also look at it as if shes made at me then its not because of a lie and we can fix whatever it is. because I am not perfect I cant tell her i will never make a mistake again well because that is a lie. One second at a time one min at a time one hour at a time then hours turn to days and days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months and months turn to years. that is my goal. you are not alone in these struggles.