Pia,
It's hard to always want to be trustworthy and be held in high esteem by others. But we always need to keep in mind that we are never perfect and neither are the people whom we aim to please. Focus on the positives! You had a breakthrough and that is awesome!

Even better, we don't HAVE to be perfect. Perfectionism can be seductive, especially when you've spent years getting negative feedback for failure. Maybe there's something in your past that triggers fear of getting caught in failure?

oh for sure. My parents were very strict in many ways, and I felt constant shame if I didn't do things just right. But that's what I'm working on now, because I need to move past that feeling. Clearly it's not doing me any favors now.

Wow, you said in some ways what I have come to realize. I lye because I don't want to let the people I care about down because I messed up, yet again. But when I get caught in the lie, and you almost always do, I have hurt and let down those that I care about. And the little bit of angry they may have felt because of my mess up is far less than the total anger that I face in the end. It seems like and endless circle.

It's difficult sometimes to recognize when I am about to lie as well, because it comes so naturally to give a false reason for something. I was supposed to have a talk with a mutual friend of myself and my boyfriend about an uncomfortable topic, and I kept putting it off. I told myself and my boyfriend that it was because the timing wasn't right, but that was only a half-truth - I hadn't been making the times work with all of my available effort because I felt uncomfortable, and that was the real truth behind why I was putting it off. Finally I admitted it to myself and my boyfriend, gathered up my courage and just called our friend on the phone to have the talk.

My parents were not strict. But i am pretty intelligent and was made to feel like failure wasnt acceptable. So sometimes it was just easier to not try. Still trying to overcome.