I'm sorry you're struggling with this issue. I am too. I find that I lie when I feel like I've screwed up or I'm going to "get in trouble" or have a conflict, so one thing I've done is try to mitigate the reasons why I lie ... basically trying not to behave or do things that will "get me in trouble." Inevitably, something is going to happen where I feel that pressure to lie to preserve my "good guy" role, so my challenge is going to be how I respond when there's a problem. I'm trying to communicate all the time about what is going on, what I'm doing, so that when an issue arises, it won't be out of nowhere and I'll be accustomed to communicating, but still waiting for that challenge to come along. I wish I had a magic answer for you, but I would just say to be ruthlessly honest with yourself first, and then afford the people you love that same honesty. I think you can do this!

I find myself slipping as well as I was doing well for awhile. We can only take one day at a time and work it out.

Thank you for the great advice. I find myself lying to my wife about the smallest little details because I worry that she’s going to get upset and I’m trying to do everything I can’t avoid conflict which of course only makes things worse. I’ve tried to stop the lying but it just repeats herself because I’ll never be perfect and therefore I will continue to be in situations where I feel I need to lie to get out of something stupid that I said or did. I guess the bottom line is that I need to be brutally honest as you said and take whatever consequences come from that because the lying only makes it even worse.

I was interested in posting on this site. Have you found it beneficial?

Hello-
I have a similar problem and think it would be beneficial to chat. I don't think I have a solution, but confronting it sounds like a good idea. Interested?

Hello-
I have a similar problem and think it would be beneficial to chat. I don't think I have a solution, but confronting it sounds like a good idea. Interested?

New member here. I can relate to this thread as well as several others. It is very often a small thing that starts it. Hiding a mess I made or that I hadn’t taken care of something I should have. The resulting outcome when my wife has found out is much much worse than just copping to it in the first place. Childish and hurtful to my wife. For me the thing I know I need to focus on is getting over the initial fear of conflict and disapproval. Without that it is a very slippery slope.

I'm grateful to have found this group. I also have an avoidant personality and I do a lot to avoid conflict, difficult conversations and difficult feelings. That ranges from big things to comparatively little and mundane things that nevertheless I feel could lead to some sort of conflict. I really want to be truthful and be able to have honest conversations even if they're challenging. More importantly, I want to do this proactively, not just when I've already been called out or "found out" in a lie. Any guidance or support with this would be huge.