Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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Vj123
Vj123

Hi,



Today I’ve taken my first step to admit I lie, I’ve been to therapists for self esteem & personality issues / disorders before however never truly address my lying problem.



I lie to make myself feel better & I fear judgement. Lying helps me avoid uncomfortable situations. I lie when I feel I am lacking control as it gives me control. 



I feel I was lied to all my life by my father, until this day I don’t think he is honest with me and I find it hard to be honest with him too. 



My first serious relationship my partner lied to me, I was 18 and when the relationship came to an end I was so distraught. I spent the two weeks after this sleeping with everything in site, to the point I can’t remember some of their names. This was my way of feeling loved and coping with the pain of being told by my first serious love that I wasn’t loved.


 


I want to stop lying & avoiding the truth so I can take pride in my true identity whatever that looks like. I want to take pride in my true self-esteem. I can only evaluate my self esteem and let it grow if I stop lying on all levels, white lies, omitting the truth, protection lies.



I smoke, I rely on relationships but lying is my worst addiction as it effects everything in my life negatively.



My two core beliefs are Love & Freedom and with any core beliefs I need to challenge what is the positive aspect and negative aspect of these. 


 


When I lie my heart beats fast and I feel emotional. 


I lie to my Friends as I want approval & fear judgement of what they think of the truth. 


I lie about my need for a Relationship & wanting to be loved and I think this is weakness. 


I lie when I am Anxious and feel a sense of uncertainty. 


 


I must know that telling people the truth may make people have negative comments & judgements but I can be proud as I’ve told the truth. 


 


To truly start a clean life of honesty confession is important, and whatever the consequences starting in a safe place to tell the truth and facing the uncomfortable consequences is still better than lying. 



The first lie I can remember was when I was young I fell over at a friends birthday party and hit my head, when I went home I told my mum that my friend had hit me round the head, she obviously found out and I was ashamed of myself. However that didn’t stop me, I broke my mums favourite lamp and lied about that. I cheated on a maths test and lied about that.



Most recently I’ve lied about quitting Smoking, I fear judgement & seek approval. 


Ive lies to my friends about sexual encounters I’ve had, or just hidden the truth from them on dearness of judgement.


I lie about How I feel at times as I worry about what others will think.



I’ve lied so much about how I feel even thinking about suicide at times of deep depression and not telling anyone. 



Im coming clean as I want to stop mainly to make sure I don’t loose the friends I have and also so I can feel better about myself.



Currently my mood is pretty average however I’m proud of making this step. 



Would appreciate any comments or thoughts. 

gwilly
gwilly
It looks like you have done some serious self evaluation, and realized that but you get into the lying thing life becomes an awful mess. But the coming clean part is a good step for you. Come clean and then stay clean. Realize to yourself that you're not a perfect person, that you have multiple flaws and be okay with that see understanding that you're working on those flaws. That will help you not be tempted to lie about things again when more Temptations come along. Keep working on it. Good luck.
mikeyrg
mikeyrg
We lie out of fear. You listed some of your core fears! Judgement, abandonment. Know you are perfect. Learn to accept your imperfections as what makes you individual! It’s funny how we internally judge ourselves much harsher than others. Most of the shit you lie about others could care less about even telling the truth. You are peeling away the layers and getting to your core issues! Good on you! Let that inner child know it is safe, and loved and can be happy . Quit worrying what others think. Yes you will probably make someone unhappy speaking the truth. So what. That’s their problem. Welcome to the forum and keep checking in. It’s called Daily Strength for a reason!!!
gwilly
gwilly
Good points, Mikeyrg. Judging yourself for things that you feel like you ought to be or be doing does not work out. I have had this idea that I got from the show Father Knows Best, that showed me that I, like the father on the show, should be able to do everything on my own. Then, after having gone through years of trying to fix myself with my wife as my counselor, I realized that I can't do everything on my own, and those thoughts from that TV show were very false. I also realized that not being able to do everything on my own was not a bad thing. That's why we have Partners and Family and Friends.. They can help us through stuff if we will just be honest and communicative and not afraid of who we are.