Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
Hi all! Hope everyone had a great holiday season! And may you all head off into a great new year!
I've been busy the last couple of months. But, I'm back and gotta get back to healing.
That's why we are all here, right?
I'm trying to heal from the lies of my husband, but now, come to find myself questioning a coworker as well. Ahhhhh!
So here's my question to you all:
Once caught in a lie, is pursuading the person (that caught you in that lie) to believe in you again, is that part of feeling triumphant over the getting caught?
My question comes from an incident that happened to me at work that I am currently trying to resolve within myself. So,here's the story.
I recently caught my coworker and friend of 2 yrs in a lie and as a result I chose to no longer speak to her. This can put us both in an awkward situation as we have to work together daily and although I no longer wish to engage in chit-chats or the occasional laugh like we used to, I do know I have to be cordial in a working environment. So, if she asks a question, I will answer her and keep it short.
This all came about when I came back from being off on personal days due to my mother being hospitalized. I come back and I think to myself 'good thing I just so happened to write myself in for the overtime on this coming Saturday, gonna need to put in some hours to make up for being out'. But, when I realized I was not put on the upcoming overtime schedule, I realized someone had scratched my name off the sign-up sheet. Hmmm?? But I caught it in time to be put on the schedule in the end.
So.... outta curiosity I go back to see the sign-up sheet and it appears that the same pen mark that scratched my name off is used by this coworker and her name is signed in right after the scribble mark............??? interesting?? maybe she thought I wouldn't be able to work cause of my mom?? maybe she needs the money?? Hmmm???
The next morning I ask my coworker directly "hey someone scratched my name of the list, did you scratch my name off the list?" to which she replies, "oh no, I would never do that" and my response to her was "it appears like you scratched my name off" and she replies back with, "ah, well maybe I did" as she chuckles and goes on with what she was doing and I turn and walk away. So.............. what do I make of that??? First she says no, and then she half-hazardly says maybe she did??? Now I'm confused, my friend of two years!!
I'm thinking if she needed the hours so badly why not just call me and say 'hey can I take your shift?', I would of gladly given it to her. So, without the sign up sheet in hand (my boss had filed it away) I was gonna have to wait to clarify the misunderstanding. I wanted to show her & to make her understood exactly why I had questioned her, for her to see herself, in black & white, what it looked like in my eyes. Figured, if we are gonna clear the air, let's do it right with paper and proof in hand. So we finish off the day as usual.
The coming Monday I approach her again in private, schedule in hand, and as I'm explaining to her how it appears to be the same color and type of ink as the pen markings used to write her name in, she says "yeah, hmmm, no, wasn't me". So I ask, "if it wasn't you, why would you make that statement to me? why did you say 'well maybe it was'??? And she said with an appalling face 'I never said that!'.
At this moment I completely lost my cool!!!!!!! In that instant I felt she had just exposed her deceiving ways to me. She was completely denying what I know I heard with my own two ears!!!!! I stormed off away from her, cause had I of stood in front of her any longer, I would of wanted to punch her in the face.
And so, I haven't wanted to talk to her since. She has made two attempts to discus the incident, once via text, and the second time was on New Year's Day via email. She continues to deny that she make that revealing statement to me and says she "does not recall ever saying that". In her attempt to reach out to me she also stated she 'missed our friendship'. However, I don't see us ever being friends again with mistrust in the middle.
Is it doable? yes. But do I want to? Not really.
Why invest my time and energy in a person that I can no longer trust. I've done it with my husband, for him, because I've been with him for half of my life and I love him. But I don't want to do it for her. I already have 1 challenging personality in my life (my spouse, lol), why do I need another.
Now, I'm left trying to understand what's the motive for her to keep trying to reach out to me? Is it possible that she did not cross my name off? yes. But, in my eyes its no longer about who did what on the sign up sheet. Its about her making such an incriminating statement and then denying she ever said it. She straight out lied about it!!
This is where I'm hoping to get some insight from you all. She was once my friend, we went out together, laughed a lot. We had a solid friendship before, but now it's filled with why's. Why should I give her the time of day?
I've been busy the last couple of months. But, I'm back and gotta get back to healing.
That's why we are all here, right?
I'm trying to heal from the lies of my husband, but now, come to find myself questioning a coworker as well. Ahhhhh!
So here's my question to you all:
Once caught in a lie, is pursuading the person (that caught you in that lie) to believe in you again, is that part of feeling triumphant over the getting caught?
My question comes from an incident that happened to me at work that I am currently trying to resolve within myself. So,here's the story.
I recently caught my coworker and friend of 2 yrs in a lie and as a result I chose to no longer speak to her. This can put us both in an awkward situation as we have to work together daily and although I no longer wish to engage in chit-chats or the occasional laugh like we used to, I do know I have to be cordial in a working environment. So, if she asks a question, I will answer her and keep it short.
This all came about when I came back from being off on personal days due to my mother being hospitalized. I come back and I think to myself 'good thing I just so happened to write myself in for the overtime on this coming Saturday, gonna need to put in some hours to make up for being out'. But, when I realized I was not put on the upcoming overtime schedule, I realized someone had scratched my name off the sign-up sheet. Hmmm?? But I caught it in time to be put on the schedule in the end.
So.... outta curiosity I go back to see the sign-up sheet and it appears that the same pen mark that scratched my name off is used by this coworker and her name is signed in right after the scribble mark............??? interesting?? maybe she thought I wouldn't be able to work cause of my mom?? maybe she needs the money?? Hmmm???
The next morning I ask my coworker directly "hey someone scratched my name of the list, did you scratch my name off the list?" to which she replies, "oh no, I would never do that" and my response to her was "it appears like you scratched my name off" and she replies back with, "ah, well maybe I did" as she chuckles and goes on with what she was doing and I turn and walk away. So.............. what do I make of that??? First she says no, and then she half-hazardly says maybe she did??? Now I'm confused, my friend of two years!!
I'm thinking if she needed the hours so badly why not just call me and say 'hey can I take your shift?', I would of gladly given it to her. So, without the sign up sheet in hand (my boss had filed it away) I was gonna have to wait to clarify the misunderstanding. I wanted to show her & to make her understood exactly why I had questioned her, for her to see herself, in black & white, what it looked like in my eyes. Figured, if we are gonna clear the air, let's do it right with paper and proof in hand. So we finish off the day as usual.
The coming Monday I approach her again in private, schedule in hand, and as I'm explaining to her how it appears to be the same color and type of ink as the pen markings used to write her name in, she says "yeah, hmmm, no, wasn't me". So I ask, "if it wasn't you, why would you make that statement to me? why did you say 'well maybe it was'??? And she said with an appalling face 'I never said that!'.
At this moment I completely lost my cool!!!!!!! In that instant I felt she had just exposed her deceiving ways to me. She was completely denying what I know I heard with my own two ears!!!!! I stormed off away from her, cause had I of stood in front of her any longer, I would of wanted to punch her in the face.
And so, I haven't wanted to talk to her since. She has made two attempts to discus the incident, once via text, and the second time was on New Year's Day via email. She continues to deny that she make that revealing statement to me and says she "does not recall ever saying that". In her attempt to reach out to me she also stated she 'missed our friendship'. However, I don't see us ever being friends again with mistrust in the middle.
Is it doable? yes. But do I want to? Not really.
Why invest my time and energy in a person that I can no longer trust. I've done it with my husband, for him, because I've been with him for half of my life and I love him. But I don't want to do it for her. I already have 1 challenging personality in my life (my spouse, lol), why do I need another.
Now, I'm left trying to understand what's the motive for her to keep trying to reach out to me? Is it possible that she did not cross my name off? yes. But, in my eyes its no longer about who did what on the sign up sheet. Its about her making such an incriminating statement and then denying she ever said it. She straight out lied about it!!
This is where I'm hoping to get some insight from you all. She was once my friend, we went out together, laughed a lot. We had a solid friendship before, but now it's filled with why's. Why should I give her the time of day?
I'll try to keep it short and sweet next time.
And I hope I'm not coming off as just being judgmental and scorning of her. I guess part of the reason why I'm staying away and not talking to her is simply to save myself from any more heartache. You see, I've been through a lot with my husband's lies. And now I feel that if I try to talk to her it would be like me letting down my guard. And if she were to again deny what I know I heard her say, it would just make me feel more hurt and resentful towards her. So that's why I prefer to leave it alone. But, I'll definitely take your advice. Because I would like to put it behind me, behind us.