Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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sokkerguy03
sokkerguy03

Hello everyone. I’m new to this site, but after recent events I’ve realized that I need some help because of my issues with lying. I’m at a point right now where it’s well past the time to fix this because I’m quite literally risking everything I’ve ever wanted in life. When I was younger, I had some issues with lying that got me in trouble a few times at home, but until recently I felt like I sort of grew out of it or moved past it.


Over the course of the past year I’ve been caught in several lies by my wife and they’ve essentially destroyed her trust in what I say. My lies center around our interactions with one of my friends and his wife. They disrespected her as my wife a few times and I chose to lie to defend and protect them causing this strain on our relationship. As a result I’ve recently ended the friendship to eliminate that trigger for lying and to prove to my wife that I’m serious about being open and honest with her by not getting myself in positions where I feel the need to lie. I’ve been caught lying to her face, deleting text messages, and omitting details of conversations with these friends when asked. Then after she began to forgive me she gave me an opportunity to come clean if there were any other lies and I didn’t.


I’ve treated my wife very poorly when it comes to this and I feel awful for the pain I’ve caused her. We recently found out we have a baby on the way and she’s seriously considering ending the relationship because she doesn’t feel like she can trust me any more. I want to work to prove to her that she can trust me and I don’t want to lose the life that we’ve started to build.


I don’t know how to go about rebuilding that trust with her OR figuring out why I choose to lie.

mikeyrg
mikeyrg
Hey there. Remember you lie out of fear. Fear your wife won’t approve, fear you might hurt her feelings, she might leave you.... But where have your lies gotten you? Rhetorical question!! So what if she gets mad for a second. Better than not trusting anything that you say. Start small. One day at a time. You know when you are going to lie. There is that little voice in you that says this is not right. But our fear of getting caught about something we think (others probably could care less) is shameful overwhelms that voice inside. When you sense that voice stop. Take a deep breath. And face the consequences of your actions. Check in here every day for the next 30 days. Just once a day to remind yourself of your commitment. Remember this is only for you. Not for your wife, your expectant child but for you. This is about facing your demons and waking up. Once you really start down this road there is no turning back!
sokkerguy03
sokkerguy03
Thanks Mikey! I’ll definitely be visiting the site as often as possible. Hopefully at some point I’ll be comfortable with giving advice based on my experience but right now it’s been very eye opening seeing the different stages of the process that other members are at. I’ve gone about setting up little reminders in random places just to remind myself of what’s at stake if I continue to lie and how the long-term benefits of honesty far outweigh the short-term avoidance of conflict that the lies provide. I know it’s not much, but it’s a start.
mikeyrg
mikeyrg
Every journey starts with a series of small steps! Welcome to yours!!! Remember to establish an action plan to change and simply follow it to where it leads you!!
sokkerguy03
sokkerguy03
My wife and I discussed this more yesterday. I feel really good about the progress and ideas we both came up with to help me be honest and open with her and to help ease her suspicions and doubts about me and our relationship. She came home from work and it was very clear that the pain I’ve caused had just been boiling inside of her all day. Thankfully the stories I’ve read on here and on other sites had me prepared for this sort of thing and we were able to push through it and really set up some good ideas to find my triggers and open dialogue in the future.