Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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changinginprogress 07/03/2019

For as long as I can remember, I have hated any sort of conflict. The idea of someone being upset at me or disappointed makes me feel so terrible that I cannot handle it. This has over time led me to compulsively lie to try to avoid the situation. I have gotten away with it with most people in my life, but my fiancé knows and can tell when I am doing this. It hurts her so so much, and I just want to stop. I am thankful for her to actually call me out and not let me get away with it, but at this point it’s gone on too long and it’s draining her dry. The stupid thing is I know that lying to her makes her more upset than me telling the truth, but when I get that panicky fear inside of my stomach that she will be upset about something it’s like my brain goes blank and the answer I think she wants to hear comes out. It’s really bad and I’m so damn tired of it

gg1227 07/06/2019

I really relate to what you're saying. I feel like I am so conditioned to say exactly whatever people want to hear. Often I don't even realize I lied until minutes later, when I realize, oh, I just automatically said the thing that I thought would make us not fight. It feels so impossible, even when I want to tell the truth, to actually tell the truth. It just doesn't come naturally. And as you say, it feels terrible to imagine making someone upset or even just making someone a little disappointed. Of course, when these things blow up, the guilt of someone learning about all the lies feels much worse and I guess that's something to remember.

Breaking 07/10/2019

Hi changinginprogress, I'm eager to hear how you're progressing - I'm the partner. We've hit the bottom. I need to know if there's a way out. His symptoms are the same as yours. There's been no trust for 12 months but I'm only just realising how deep the lying is apart of our lives. I'm tired too :(

changinginprogress 07/11/2019

I like to think I’m doing well, but that’s not to say I haven’t felt that before. If I can give you any advice I would say do your best to make him know that he is safe to tell the truth. His fear of what will happen may be deeply ingrained and need to be rewritten. If he can trust you that telling the truth will actually be better then it may help hopefully

Chris5566 07/22/2019

I do the exact same thing. Its great that she calls you out I think thats a great first step towards telling the truth more often. It can be hard but it helps me to stop and evaluate my emotions before spewing out some lies. I just tell my girlfriend to give me a second to collect my thoughts so I can give her a thorough, truthful answer. You should try this out! Hope you can overcome this fear and stop lying.

changinginprogress 07/29/2019

I try to do that but sometimes she sees it as me trying to buy a second to come up with a lie. If I don’t immediately speak confident and surely then based on past experience she takes it as a lie. She is unsure when to trust me and I don’t know how to break through that

jaimoe0 09/05/2019

I am 100% in your boat, and it has cost me the most important relationship in my life. This is my first post. I'm just chiming in to say I relate to this, and I don't have a panacea or anything. I'm trying everyday to be honest and forthright and except the fact that life is going to come with conflict and that I am going to disappoint people. I only make it worse when I hide things or lie about them. I'm looking for ways/techniques to be forthright. I believe I can change, and that you can too!

GDoug 09/06/2019

I can really understand this one. I’ve got to believe that with hard work and understanding you can get through this. I’m learning that trust takes forever to build and a second to break. Even if she thinks you’re about to lie it’s better to take the second and tell the truth. Keep going!

VeritasNow 10/06/2019

I’m trying to take steps to do better as I don’t want to hurt my family anymore. Thought I give this place a chance to get my thoughts out there.

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