Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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lying's self-fulfilling dilemma

actuality
actuality

I'm new here, and was hoping to learn and share more about my lying problem, in particular because of how it's devastating my marriage.  I'm clearly far from alone, as there are so many posts here about marriages on the brink or already collapsed as a result of lying.  It's not exactly surprising, I guess, given how badly lying destroys trust; I just hadn't expected to find so much company in the same place...


The thing I am feeling most troubling, and I'm guessing I'm not alone here either, is when my lies run so deep that I'm deceiving myself and can't tell what is and what isn't a lie.  My wife will look at me like I'm crazy, and I stare back, not knowing what to believe.  When I'm in better form, I am able to switch gears and just believe her, but even then it doesn't quite seem right (to me), and she recognizes that I'm still holding on to something.  And I am; I'm holding onto a doubt -- that there may be some truth to my original lie.


Aargh!  Not only is the lying destroying her trust in me, but I am having a complete lack of trust in myself, not knowing what part of me to believe in.


I'm finding this completely debilitating...does anyone else have this experience?  I'm exasperated from the constancy of this feeling, and while I want to want to trust my wife in those moments, my habitual lying keeps me from truly releasing myself to this trust...


jfonnyadt
jfonnyadt
It’s all part of the process. I have it where I start to believe the lies or they become just part of the story of my past. You are not alone. The fact you recognize it is huge and that’s really great for you. I try to tell my self every day that all I have to do is get through today telling the truth. You are here reaching out and you should be proud of yourself.
actuality
actuality
Thank you for saying this. It feels so out of control, mostly because of what you just wrote — past lies become the “true” story so it seems like I’m not lying any more. This is when it feels especially impossible to overcome.
Clutchfan40
Clutchfan40
I wish there was a bigger and better forum for people like us. This is the first post I've found on this particular site with a comment!
tvee
tvee
i agree, take some pride in the fact that you've reached out and are facing the behavior which isn't easy.
actuality
actuality
Thank you for your replies; this is the first post I've ever made on such a personal matter on a public forum like this. Your affirmations really mean a lot to me.

One thing I wish were easier for me is overcoming the withholding feeling I have when I'm confronted about my lies. I'll lie, someone will point it out, and instead of breathing and listening and believing the other person, I'll stay reserved and have a conversation in my head about whether I am or am not lying, all the while enraging the other person, who is feeling no validation of their feelings or acknowledgement from me that I lied.

I feel like I'm in a bubble that IS pop-able, but that I'm refusing to pop.

And Clutchfan, agree that finding this forum was long in coming -- I am happy to have found a group here who wants to talk about these issues, and look forward to carrying on many conversations!