Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
Hello everyone, I'm new to this group. I've been married almost 7 years and my relationship is very much on the brink of collapse. I've lied to my wife about so many things over the years, big and small, and she's always found out. And when confronted with the lie, I've sometimes tried lying to get out of it. I've lied about watching porn early in our marriage, lied about money. Most recently I lied about a job opportunity at work not coming available when it really did because I didn't want to pursue it. Rather than tell my wife I wasn't interested in moving up in my company I told her no jobs had been posted. Then my coworker (who had applied for the job) got promoted and I got stuck telling her the truth. But, I even told the truth in a bad way, making it seem flippant and like no big deal even though it was a massive deal because it was wrapped around a lie.
I also lie about little things to make myself look better. Like recently, I lied about not watching a TV show and working to clean up the house when my wife was gone even though I did. Or I'll make it seem like I didn't know something or didn't realize something in order to avoid admitting I made a mistake.
It's awful to say, but sometimes at the end of a day I can't even remember if I'd lied or not. I tell my wife I don't think I've lied to her about anything and she doesn't believe me, which is understandable. I don't think about the lies, and so it's hard to go back and admit them to her. I try to stop myself in the moment from lying, but it's like this huge pressure builds up and my own anxiety about admitting to the truth causes me to lie.
I seem to only do this with my wife. Or at least, mostly with my wife. I don't lie about my career, or my health, etc. I feel like with our lengthy history together and all the lies I've told I'm more susceptible to lying to her. I feel like we're living on a razor's edge. We have two little kids together, and she's only staying with me at this point because of them. I know she loves me, and she wants this to work out more than anything. She just needs me to stop lying. And more than that, she needs me to be working toward not being able to lie to her in the future. That's the only way she'll be able to trust me going forward.
You both make such good points - this is such a horrid addiction that it reaches to every aspect of one's life. I have been dealing with this my entire life. Have destroyed relationships with my family almost destroyed my marriage. From lies about the dumbest things to issues of cheating because I couldn't stop myself and then lying about it. I had come to a point of not knowing where to turn - I've tried therapy - it didn't work. Was threatened with divorce - was able to stop for a little while - and then the lies reared their head once again. It wasn't until 8.5 weeks ago when the last one happened and my husband took his ring off and threw it in my face and said "If it were not for the virus lock down - you would have divorce papers in your hands now"
It was finally at that point that I knew I had to make a change. I found this group, started writing a journal every day looking at myself in the mirror every day and asking myself why? If it happens today who does it hurt? Each night, I say a prayer. It's not full proof - but if you take it day by day admit to yourself that yes you are a liar and have been - and now it's time to stop it has worked so far. But you never know the next day. My husband has said "I don't believe a word you say yet"' It's a very very long process but I promised myself and him that I can change and prove it day by day. Stay strong and we need to keep talking and admitting to ourselves and to others that we have a problem and need to stop it. We can do it! Stay strong friends!