Hi Hjat. The "why I lied" thing is a big one with us liars. We're trying to figure out why, and trying to figure out how to stop. I don't have this thing whipped yet, but have some ideas (I've been working on this for a long time). I think one big issue we have is a lack of confidence, and a desire to be or appear to be the good, great, accomplished, amazing, etc., person we in our heads want to be. When we screw up (a not lying screw up) we are afraid of looking like the opposite of the above good things we want to be, and it freaks us out and allows us to make bad decisions (lie about it), so we don't feel bad about ourselves. I am working on beating it into my head that I am not perfect, I screw up, I forget things, I am not "Father knows best", and that when I make a mistake, I have to force myself to be okay with it. If those around us can't be okay with it, that has to be their problem, and not mine. If you take note of those around you, EVERYBODY makes mistakes of one kind or another. Many lie about it and don't care, but those of us who want to get over this debilitating and relationship destroying character flaw have to be okay with not being perfect, work on the things we want to get better at, and "let the chips fall where they may" with those around us. Be who you want to be to the best of your ability, not just fake like you are.

...and by the last line, 'not just fake like you are', I meant not just fake like you are that great person. That's what we all do when we lie.

gwilly is most certainly right! I definitely agree that we have some sort of shape of that idea in our heads which motivates us to lie and look better to those around us. Another is the one you've recently experienced which is to protect someone's image of you and protect their feelings. However, it's better they know the truth and that you be honest because they really want to trust you again. Even if that means they get a little hurt.

Tell her the truth. Be completely honest. And I mean hold nothing back. Even your deepest secret about yourself. Easier said than done when you think about it, isn't it? So maybe you're not ready to totally open up, and that's fine. But tell her the truth, that there are things about you that you haven't told her yet, but that you will tell her in time. Create that sense of trust between you and her, and remember to keep that promise that you were tell her in time.

The best way to start killing off this addiction of lying is starting with the small things. Yeah, don't make any big lies, for sure, that's a huge thing, but start with the little ones you don't even think about that you tell every day. Like say you're telling a story (ever since I told my bf about everything, and had him help me with stopping my lying problem, he catches me all the time on these things and it drives me nuts, but it helps) and you start out saying that you went to the library every day and... then you continue.

This is where my bf would jump in and question the "everyday" part. Like... it was a small exaggeration, but it was a lie none the less. Same thing with information you're not sure about. Like you say it was a little kid shouting in the other room, but you don't know for sure. And then it happened to be a little girl. So try to either fully explain, "I think" or "it sounds like a kid is shouting in the other room", or be a little more broad with details, instead of everyday say "I went to the library a lot". Basically, the less details the better in some situations.

Just get in the habit of trying to correct your lies when they happen, cause everyone slips up, and nobody is perfect, but the least you can do is try and fix your mistakes, so they don't get any worse. Again, easier said than done, but it's doable... and it should be done if you're willing to put a little effort forward. It's very much worth it, trust me.

Great quote: "Don't lie, it means you never have to remember what you've said."