So to say that I'm a liar is an understatement. Lying, cheating, deceiving bastard is a more apt description. I have been lying for the better part of my adult life (I'm now in my mid 40's). At first I thought, oh these little lies will make me more interesting to people. They weren't full lies, they were half lies. Sure my dad worked for the newspaper, he just didn't do what I said he did (half truth); I'm allergic to chocolate. no I'm not, I had a bad reaction to it once because you had too much of it in one sitting (half truth/lie); I'm color blind, no I'm not (bold face lie). I thought those would make me more interesting.  I saw these as low impact, so what was the harm.

As as I got older, the lies got bigger. The bigger they got the more impactful they became. I get a woman pregnant, while my girlfiend is studying abroad for a year. I tell the woman "oh I told her everything. I stayed at another hotel because she didn't want to see me when I went to visit her." BOLD FACE LIE!!!  Never told my girlfriend what happened. And after my son was born, told his mother to work it out because I wasn't going to be around, until post pardon depression kicks in and I bring my son to my house, only to tell my girlfriend that "it's not my baby, I'm just helping out a friend."  She figured it out and left me a week later. BOLD FACE LIAR!!!

Then the lies get even worse. Stayed with my sons mother, had another son, then had several affairs simultaneously. Denied the affairs completely, told her they were "women who were attracted to me. I'm not attracted to them at all."  She leaves taking the kids in her wake. Finally worked out a custody agreement then moved on to the next victim. BOLD FACE LIAR AND CHEATER!!

The next victim was young, naive and hopeful that after 4 years together (in two separate two year stints) that we'd head down the marriage path. Meanwhile your friendly neighborhood liar and cheater was, yet again, having multiple affairs simultaneously. You can imagine the once young, naive and hopeful young woman was devastated when she put two and two together. Sucked all that out of her too. BOLD FACE LYING, CHEATING BASTARD!!!

On to the current failure. Beautiful, smart and perfect. I have two kids (boys), she has two kids (girls). It's the modern day Brady Bunch. The problem... The lying and cheating NEVER STOPPED. And now it got even worse, because I, in my inifinite wisdom, decided to try to spin it to be her fault, and repeatedly left her (like every other week) for the better part of two years. She begged me to change and I took it for granted that she'd take me back. And she did, right up until today when I decided to ice this lying layer cake I've made. She gave me an ultimatum, her or this "work friend."  I told her it was her, but still kept the work friend around. The absolute worst part was I didn't even want the work friend like that. Oh and did I mention we had all moved in together, right so there's that too. 

Well today was the day... After leaving her every other week for the last six months, we had finally gotten to a point where I was ready to do it.  The big turnaround for us. Give up all of the shit in order for us to completely break us down to completely build us back up. It's not like I didn't want it before, it's just I have created this crazy life for us and expected everything to work itself out because I wanted it. Well I'm sure we can all guess what happened...

Wait for it...

i reached out to the other woman from the ultimatum. Positive side (if there is one) is I told her, as opposed to her finding out. But that my friends was the straw that broke the camels back. "Get your shit out by Wednesday. I don't ever want to see you again. Fuck you for totally screwing with my head for two fucking years."

just when I thought I couldn't get any lower. Welcome to the bottom!!! I can't live like this anymore. I have pissed away my future, done everything without integrity and have deceived the person I cared for the most. I cant live like this anymore. I need help