Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
Hi everyone my name is Krysta and I am a habitual liar. I seriously want to change and I have no idea where to start. So far I have located a phone number for a place that I can get therapy sessions through, but they don’t open until Monday and I really don’t want to waste any more time before I seek out help, so when I found this site I thought here would be a good place to start.
I think I have been lying all my life. I have always wanted to fit in so in school I always told people what they wanted to hear so that I could make friends. I always wanted to make everyone around me happy so I would just tell them what they wanted to hear which most of the time was a lie as I either didn’t want to do what they wanted to do or didn’t actually agree with what was being said or done.
My dad left when I was 8 and I think I always tried to be perfect so that my mom wouldn’t leave me too. I think that striving to be perfect is part of my problem, I need to realize that I will never be perfect. That I don’t have to be perfect, I can make mistakes and it is ok to admit them that it is ok to ask for help instead of taking everything on myself. By trying to please everyone I give them all different stories so that they are hearing what they want and eventually that catches up to me and just blows up in my face, but I just can’t seem to stop.
I have done enough lies that writing about all of them would take quite a bit of time so I am just going to jump into what woke me up enough that I finally decided to seek help.
I have been with a man that I love more than I ever thought I could love someone for almost 5 years now. We have been friends since the end of 2008 (minus 6 months when he didn’t talk to me). When we met I was married to man who was not someone that I loved at all. I had gotten married in May of 2007 and started cheating on my husband in July of 2007. I never even wanted to marry him, but I knew if I said no I would hurt his feelings so I said yes, which is not a reason to get married. I lied to my husband all the time so that I could spend time with other people. When I met the guy who is now my boyfriend and we started fooling around I stopped fooling around with all the other guys, but would continue to lie to my husband so that I could go spend time with the other guy. Finally the other guy told me that it was either him or my husband and I ended up leaving my husband and a few months later the other guy and I became a couple. We now have two amazing girls that are 2, and 3 years old.
At first my lies to my boyfriend were small and over things that were not even worth lying about, but I would just do them because I have lied for so long that I don’t think I really know how to stop. I can stop for a few weeks, but then it seems like the words just flow out of my mouth without really realizing what I am doing and knowing as soon as they come out that it is a lie, but I never correct it. He would catch me in a lie and even though I knew I was caught I would continue to stick to my lie and I am still not really sure why. As the years have progressed my lying has gotten consistently worse for no good reason. I love him and I know that lying to him just hurts him, but it just keeps coming out of my mouth. We have had countless conversations about it and I promise to change and then of course in another few weeks (sometimes a month or two, but not often that long) I am right back to lying to him and then of course the promise also becomes just another lie.
This last time was the straw that finally broke the camels back and my real eye opener. Right now we aren’t fully together, but we are still in the same house and we are going to see what happens. We both want to raise our girls together, but we need for me to get the help that I need so that we can see if we can get past the past few years and be together again.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
All my little lies were to avoid a fight or confrontation. I need to realize that I have to be totally open and honest with him (and everyone else) even if it will lead into a fight or confrontation. It is part of life and of relationships that there are little fights and it won’t kill me to be involved in those.
Right now he has backed away from me emotionally because of all the hurt I have caused him and that is just killing me. I can’t believe it took me this long to realize how much I was hurting him, but I guess I had to hit rock bottom so that I could finally wake up and realize that I need to change some things in my life.
So here begins the long climb out of the hole I have put myself in.
I think I have been lying all my life. I have always wanted to fit in so in school I always told people what they wanted to hear so that I could make friends. I always wanted to make everyone around me happy so I would just tell them what they wanted to hear which most of the time was a lie as I either didn’t want to do what they wanted to do or didn’t actually agree with what was being said or done.
My dad left when I was 8 and I think I always tried to be perfect so that my mom wouldn’t leave me too. I think that striving to be perfect is part of my problem, I need to realize that I will never be perfect. That I don’t have to be perfect, I can make mistakes and it is ok to admit them that it is ok to ask for help instead of taking everything on myself. By trying to please everyone I give them all different stories so that they are hearing what they want and eventually that catches up to me and just blows up in my face, but I just can’t seem to stop.
I have done enough lies that writing about all of them would take quite a bit of time so I am just going to jump into what woke me up enough that I finally decided to seek help.
I have been with a man that I love more than I ever thought I could love someone for almost 5 years now. We have been friends since the end of 2008 (minus 6 months when he didn’t talk to me). When we met I was married to man who was not someone that I loved at all. I had gotten married in May of 2007 and started cheating on my husband in July of 2007. I never even wanted to marry him, but I knew if I said no I would hurt his feelings so I said yes, which is not a reason to get married. I lied to my husband all the time so that I could spend time with other people. When I met the guy who is now my boyfriend and we started fooling around I stopped fooling around with all the other guys, but would continue to lie to my husband so that I could go spend time with the other guy. Finally the other guy told me that it was either him or my husband and I ended up leaving my husband and a few months later the other guy and I became a couple. We now have two amazing girls that are 2, and 3 years old.
At first my lies to my boyfriend were small and over things that were not even worth lying about, but I would just do them because I have lied for so long that I don’t think I really know how to stop. I can stop for a few weeks, but then it seems like the words just flow out of my mouth without really realizing what I am doing and knowing as soon as they come out that it is a lie, but I never correct it. He would catch me in a lie and even though I knew I was caught I would continue to stick to my lie and I am still not really sure why. As the years have progressed my lying has gotten consistently worse for no good reason. I love him and I know that lying to him just hurts him, but it just keeps coming out of my mouth. We have had countless conversations about it and I promise to change and then of course in another few weeks (sometimes a month or two, but not often that long) I am right back to lying to him and then of course the promise also becomes just another lie.
This last time was the straw that finally broke the camels back and my real eye opener. Right now we aren’t fully together, but we are still in the same house and we are going to see what happens. We both want to raise our girls together, but we need for me to get the help that I need so that we can see if we can get past the past few years and be together again.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
All my little lies were to avoid a fight or confrontation. I need to realize that I have to be totally open and honest with him (and everyone else) even if it will lead into a fight or confrontation. It is part of life and of relationships that there are little fights and it won’t kill me to be involved in those.
Right now he has backed away from me emotionally because of all the hurt I have caused him and that is just killing me. I can’t believe it took me this long to realize how much I was hurting him, but I guess I had to hit rock bottom so that I could finally wake up and realize that I need to change some things in my life.
So here begins the long climb out of the hole I have put myself in.
NeedToGrow
I applaud you! Recognizing things and looking for help and supprt is the first step. I am going through some things with my wife and she has backed away from me. I'm not living at home. As you go forward, you will need to be thick skinned. He may question you, throw sarcastic comments your way, flat out tell you that he doesn't believe you, or all of the above. Understand that you may go through this somewhat alone. You must continue to stay strong and remember that the focus is on you being a better person. This forum can provide additional support. No one here will judge you or throw stones.
wanting2bbetter
Thank you. I am building my skin thicker each time. I am use to him saying he doesn't believe me at this point and I don't know if he ever will again, but the fact that he is doing to try to if I take the steps to better myself is helpful. It seems like at least I have something to remind me why I am getting help. I am looking forward to having this group to talk to.
NeedToGrow
Just don't get discouraged. Keep moving forward. I've deeply hurt my wife and right now she is not interested in anything I saw. I understand where she is coming from. I want deeply to be the person/husband/father that is needed. Previous history makes her hesitant to move forward. I made the selfish choice of cheating on her and I regret it to no end. I don't want to ever hurt her again and I want to love her the way she deserves to be loved.
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