Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
A part of recovery is understanding that it is a very slow process and is not going to happen over night. My last major and action that almost cost me everything my husband, my home and countless other things was 3 weeks and 3 days ago. After 10 days on the couch and a very rough time between us..I had promised that I was going to make changes and prove it - and I have I joined this group, I keep a journal and pray every day. And I have proved that when asked - things have gotten better between us. However, 2 days ago he became extremely angry again, and threw all of my faults and infidelities and lies at me and how many times i've hurt him, and told me that we may now be somewhat "normal" again, that he still did not trust me as far as he could see and its going to take months (at least 6) to even consider it-and any infidelities for those of us in that situation as well-will end everything. So I must remind us all how important it is for us to keep trying and believing that we can do it - keep praying, keep looking at yourself and asking yourself how much and why you want to change. And also even if you do slip - DO NOT WAIT to own up to it. If that lie comes out, admit it, say it, and keep working. Stay strong everyone!
Your story when I first joined this group was inspiring to me because it was almost identical to my situation. Although its tough, allow your hubby to grieve however he needs to. He is hurting and he wants you to understand that so that this does not continue to happen. He loves you and he wants to make this work. Continue to do everything that you are doing. Prayer and devotion with God has been the main thing that has helped me to fight to end the issue I have with lying. God says that we are conquerors because He gives us what we need to fight. You are going to beat this. I believe in you. Continue on your journey and I will continue to pray that God will give you the strength to keep on moving forward.
Yes it is tough - but I am with you, I pray, I look at myself and I say thank you to God on a daily basis that I have made the choice. And I said thank you to my husband for doing that - it is just more fuel for me to beat this beast - to everyone - now that you have met and spoken outloud - take EVERY single negative now and use it as fuel and power to say NO - I will NOT let this happen anymore. Every day without a lie is a day stronger.
Just went through a similar event with my significant other. We ended up in a situation where I have lied before (about doing work as opposed to procrastinating), and while I tried showing her that I was being honest she didn't believe me.
It hurts, because in this moment we need help. And though we have wronged our loved ones and they have every right to feel hurt and betrayed, we are also hurting as well and living with the consequences of our actions. Unfortunately this is one of those consequences.
What was mentioned above is great advice. Even if it hurts we have to let those we lied to feel the way they feel. As we make amends, we hope that they see that and eventually the hurt subsides and the trust returns. In the interim, as hard as it is, all we can do is continue down the right path of owning up to our past and focusing on improving ourselves in the future. It doesn't seem like an easy path, or like our actions are improving our situations. But it is the right direction.
Your statements are very true and well put. Those who we have hurt also need to heal - and as we help ourselves to heal it will aide in their healing as well. Proof that we are working on ourselves will not only help us to improve but will allow those who we have hurt to heal as well. A very slow process indeed - but an important one.