Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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colo39 02/12/2016

I started lying as a kid because my mom was SCARY and I wanted to stay out of trouble...I have continued to lie into adulthood, but found that really the only person I lie to consistently is my spouse. My spouse has tolerated my lying, tried to help, offered encouragement, gotten mad, everything to try to help me, but my spouse has been pushed past the limit and is now done. We, for now are remaining married, living in the same house and co parenting, but my spouse is now going out, has already met someone and is talking with that person and my world is exactly like a nuclear bomb has gone off and I am beyond devastated. The lies are so stupid and unnecessary...I can't even figure out why I tell them. One thing that I have learned in the last couple days, is I lie to prevent hurting or stressing someone out. The truth may hurt and cause stress, but the lies cause a million times more hurt and stress. I don't even know where to go from here.

margueriteh 02/14/2016

you lie because u feels better when you tell the lies, that stop the stupid questions and the hurts you feel when they ask the stupid questions.
then u go out and hurt the persons that you love and they can't stop the pain so they cheat and you cheat and they cheat and you cheat, and then, you cheat together and indirectly hurt others, and each other and you two GO TO HELL and stay off this board

edkim77 02/15/2016

It is my opinion, that there are many people that have experienced or are experiencing very similar lives to what you have described. The pain that we cause when we lie is akin to the nuclear explosion you described. It is unfortunate that each of your lives have gone in this direction. It may help to get into a good counseling group or find someone else to be accountable to. For even in your time of loss with your spouse, you still have to get better for you. Since you have kids, this will be especially difficult, but necessary. We should each consider the kind of legacy we want to leave behind and then go do it. That can be easier said than done, but hopefully you are properly incentivized at this point.

This forum is a new place for me that I wish I had found years ago. Actually, I wish I had found it when I was a kid (no Internet back then), but we cannot change where we came from. You should probably just focus on the positives that you can do now. You and I both know that we will face ugly lies that we have created from the past. It is up to us to identify and correct those lies over time. Be prepared though, you may burn some more bridges or have more pain to endure. No matter what, stick to the truth and rebuilding the new you. I heard an interesting phrase that I have embraced from my therapy sessions.... Let go. Let God. You may or may not find it useful. Best wishes to you on your journey into lying sobriety.

jlsrbl 02/16/2016

I second what edkim77 said.

Regarding rock bottom, there's always lower than rock bottom if you let there be. Don't let there be.

colo39 02/17/2016

Thank you jlsrbl and edkim77 your words have been kind and helpful. I know I will have to pay the price for all the lies that I've done. I also know that while my spouse refuses, can't and won't forgive me...I know that God does and right now he is giving me the strength and the love I need to get through this time.

margueriteh 02/18/2016

yes. ed kim, that is really good sober talk.

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