Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
My name is Daniel and I think I am addicted to lying in some way. It's mainly with my wife and myself. Don't get me wrong, I lie other places as well, usually for my own amusement and a lot of times I don't have a problem being brutally honest. The lying to my wife and to myself is hurting us. I have always lied as far as I can remember, I am 35. I was raised in a pretty emotionless southern baptist home. My mother is on a never ending quest for approval and my dad is quiet and shows only basic "man" emotions. I wish I could say I am a good person besides the lying, but I am not. Being bad is first nature to me for some reason. As you can tell by reading this, I don't have a lot of insite about myself. My wife hates when I say "I don't know why". Even though that might be the most honest thing I ever say. I have lied, stolen, cheated, and other things I will just honestly say I can't tell anyone about or I would probably go to prison. I have been married 17 years and enough was enough a long time ago. I am stuck in perpetual circles of self harm, that inturn harms others. I really do want to be a good person. I really do want to stop lying. I want to know how to tell the truth, I think that is the thing, I don't think I know how in situations that make me uncomfortable. I'm not sure how this site works, I haven't researched it, please don't applaud me for taking steps, you don't know me and what I've done. I have said I am going to quit a million literal times (not literally, but a shit ton of times)
I recommend research and a lot of it. Understand your problem.
Next, have 1-2 people, and one should be your wife, hold you accountable. Talk to them about your problem and any accomplishments or slip ups that you go through.
Next, set yourself up for success. Don't put yourself in situations that you know will encourage you to lie or to do other "bad" things. We all have a dark side. It's what you do with it that matters. Believe me, I understand that battle. I have never really stolen or done drugs, but I have other vices. Seek support for those too.
Take this in baby steps and goals... One day without lying... Three days without lying... Etc... And I keep a journal too.
I wish you all the best. Let me know what you find that works. I am always open to new methods.
One other thing I will suggest is seeing a therapist. Honestly. It does not make you weak. I had issues with lying, stealing money from parents and friends and jobs, stealing products, cheating, many many bad things that like you could go to jail for. I have been fortunate enough that I am realizing that I have an impulse behavior control problem and am recognizing my triggers and have almost completely stopped my behaviors that get me in trouble with those who I am closest to.
Seeing a therapist has been extremely helpful. we work on my impulses and define my triggers. We figure out how I can tell how I am feeling. Usually triggers are HALT
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
and I am seeking awareness of when I am feeling one of those ways and really hold myself accountable on my feelings and learn to cope in other ways.
Also, please try writing or talking to someone to why you are uncomfortable with lying. For me, as a child when I got into trouble my parents would say "please tell us the truth and we wont be mad" so I would tell the truth BUT then they would get mad and ground me and be so angry at me that I learned lying and saying what the best option was was best for me and my parents.
Also, you have to practice telling the truth. For me, lying was comfortable because I was pleasing the person I was lying to. The more you practice telling the truth and feeling that uncomfortable feeling, it will subsude and it will get easier to tell the truth each time.
I hope some of these suggestions help you and anyone else that might read this. I have been doing great. I have had a few minor slip ups with white lies but for the most part I have been doing great, especially in my relationship.