I really don't know why it posted twice.I'm doing this on my phone.

Hi there. I understand how you feel, that you are the bad guys and have ruined everything, I really do. I used to think that about myself as well, how much of a horrible person I was for hurting everyone around me. After I apologize, things would get back to normal and I would hurt them again. The cycle just repeated itself. I learned that it was because I could not let go of the skeletons in my closet because I was too afraid what people would think if they found out, I blamed and shamed myself to the point I had no self worth, and I felt numb inside because I made myself not feel anything.

Everyone resonates with different things when they look for help and for me it was shame-resilience. I had no idea the book I pick up after New Years would change my thinking and my life. Everyone's experiences can be different but they can also be similar. Everyone on this board has gone through some experience that they can relate to you in one way or another. Everyone may have unique circumstances, challenges, etc but we're all here for a reason. To get better and to help one another. I'll help in any way I can.

Welcome to the board.

thank you. its shame for me too. like I said on other parts on here, no one wants to say the person they love...here's all the horrible things I've done will you accept me? instead it was easier to just lie and build myself up. then I kept lying when I was caught, until I asked her to pick me up at work. I wanted to work things out, but then I got backed into a corner after she confronted me, and I realized I had to tell the truth now. it was all ugly. I start admitting to other things and I felt horrible.only on here after unloading all my guilt ,the fact that I'm lying to the woman I love, because as I justify it... I'm ashamed of myself. I know it's wrong. but I can't help myself to stop my compulsive lying when I'm afraid during a certain situation and I think a
Lie sounds better.I failed at so many things and lied. my excuses were I grew up alone, nobody ever cared, I've been cheated on by everyone I ever dated.those are just excuses. I'm just ashamed of myself.no one wants to admit that's they lie.because it makes you a bad person.admitting all this stuff on here is like an emotional vomiting. I really just needed to unload and tell the truth. I don't like having skeletons in my closet

I can't be that guy that's known as a liar anymore. I gotta change this right now this very moment. between this site, and praying...with whatever else I have to do.I just can't be that guy anymore.when I think about all the lies I told I'm baffled that I would go to those extremes. you think its some point I would have just woke up. it took being confronted by the woman I love in seeing her disappointment in me for me to finally wake up. my son can grow up knowing his dad is just a liar. that's not the legacy I want