Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
I have a boyfriend, but he doesn't know about I'm a liar. He doesn't know I suffer and he trust me. I love him so much and care about him. But I can't stop lying. I feel fear, because when I will tell him, he will break up with me.
The relationship is about trust and who can trust liar, right?
Please, help me. I don't know what to do...
Over and over again I'm losing myself in battle. Can I win in this fight?
Kate
This is what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he or she really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You fall in love with your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.
... I’m a liar, Kate. I’ve lost many great relationships because I was too afraid of being myself, allowing mysrlf to trust the other person may just like me for me and not some conjured image. And it appears that’s the same reason(s) you have been lying to your boyfriend... you’re afraid to show up with the authentic you. You’re afraid he won’t accept you and has fallen in love with an image.
And maybe that is the case. He loves the image of your pretense and he may run fast away if the authentic you shows up... But you can’t really say you love him if you’re robbing him of his free will to make his own determination of whom he’ll fall in love with - the fake you or the ‘real’ you.
It’s my experience that the deepest pain I ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable through lies.
I don't know what to do. I'm desperate... I love him, but... Lying is not compatible with the relationship.