Wow, I can really relate. I went through a process of coming clean with my wife about the big things I lied about (there are still small things, though I think from the perspective of the person being lied to, there's no difference between big and small!). And it took multiple big confessions before I gave her everything. To my amazement, she valued the honesty enough to give me a second and third and fourth chance. Today I lied again and she is feeling betrayed and is seriously considering leaving me. The truth is, I can't blame her.

But I will say this - if you are genuinely committed to your partner and to your own self-growth, you have no choice but to share your secret with her. It's a terrifying thing to do, but I personally believe the anxiety you'd sit with by keeping it in will eventually catch up to you one way or another. Your wife deserves to know the truth. Sharing that secret is the only way you two can fully be together. Of course, the risk is real, because she may leave you. But if you go to her with genuine humility, remorse and willingness to do the very very hard work of regaining her trust, you will be doing all you can. And try to remind her that you see your lying as a serious problem that you want to be free from. I think that lying is a survival strategy that we learn as kids during some kind of traumatic moment, and it becomes hard-wired in us. If you can remind her (and yourself) that you want to be free from that fearful strategy, she may be able to understand your struggle.

I'll check back here in the coming days. Does anyone else have advice? I'm certainly no expert, I only have my own experience.

Not sure how much I can add but I am driven by my desire to be free and real with or without her. Of course, I want to be with her but that shouldn’t be the only reason for sustainable change. Also, if you don’t change it now, it will only increasingly get harder for you to fix this problem.

Thank you both for your input and insight. I know it must be done. I cant help but to think how much easier it would be if she wasn’t an already angry person by nature.

Still doesn’t matter, i suppose, how she reacts. It is time to pay the toll.

I think that's so crucial. I've spent too much of my marriage being afraid of my wife's reaction to things and justifying my dishonesty to "protect myself." But your wife deserves the full expression of who you are, not some sanitized version. Wishing you courage, BBT.

I know man, i know. It hits me hardest whenever i hear the Foo Fighters song “best of you” which is often on her playlist. Im wasting so much energy on this that im not giving the best of me to her, or my little boy.
I am likely going to do it this weekend.

First let me say thanks to all for sharing this because it is the fear that many people that lie suffer from. Wanting to move forward but not wanting to touch the areas that caused the problems. I had to come clean with my wife about why I lie. I can't say she understood but she's supportive. I know that it hurts her no mattter if its big or little or rather you feel as though you have have a reason to.

BBT, looking forward to hearing that you told her the truth. Stay strong and good luck.

I started to last night after i got home from work. I stopped when i realized how drunk and unreasonable she already was.
When it happens though, i cant wait to share it here with you all.
Thanks for your support

Sounds like you should have chosen a more appropriate setting and time. Be fully responsible instead of blaming others, this is key based on my experience.

BBT one thing I have learned is that timing is everything. Pick your time wisely

Well for me it wasn't so much of a coming clean by myself. My lies had caught up with me and I was forced to come clean. But it needed to happen. I couldn't go on feeling like I was anymore. So my suggestion would be to just adult up and just come clean before it ruins everything just like it almost did me. I have an amazing girlfriend and she has stuck by me. She has allowed me to get the help I need to get and is helping me through it all.