Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
hey guys,
I joined this group a few years ago and then never logged on again to actually use the group as it is intended.
I've had this problem for as long as I can remember, so pinpointing when it started is nearly impossible. It got worse when I was in college (2015-2019) because I continuously tried to fit in and sound cool so that people were interested in me and wanted to be my friend, or even so I could get out of doing things without "letting people down". I have recently started dating someone who has been the only one to call me out on the fact that I am a compulsive liar, which I am honestly genuinely grateful for. My issue, however, is it has gotten to the point where I can no longer tell when I say the lie until after it comes out of my mouth, or she says something. That's the part that scares me.
I want to get better yes for this relationship, but most importantly for myself. I feel fake, and like I don't know who I really am and I just want to be someone who is proud of themselves and stop hurting the people in my life.
Does anyone have ideas of what I can do? I have:
- wrote a list of all the lies that I recall telling
- started to tell people I lied to the truth
- had my girlfriend start calling me out when she suspects something is a lie
These are great for the aftermath but how do I prevent this from happening altogether?
Thanks in advance
ARA
I know I am a liar but I am still having trouble admitting it to people, even people who are calling me out and essentially know.
How did you start to admit it to others?
For me, it was the worry in my girlfriends voice and face when she approached me, with evidence that I couldn’t lie about. It was the first time I wasn’t being straight up accused or had some pissed off at me and it sort of made a light bulb go off like “you’re hurting the people you love man”.
Thank you for sharing, you are not alone. This really is such a scary addiction - it can be destructive in so many different ways - I've had this problem for years back to my teens really. They started off small as little white lies and then over the years have spiraled out of control. I've cheated on my spouse gotten caught and then lied about trying to deny it. I have put the same types of actions in place for the aftermath. But it was last week that was the kicker. I cheated on my husband and lied about it and finally he said "that's it - it either stops or divorce period." And actually had it not been for this corona virus thing, he probably would have left. What I started doing was writing in a journal. Every single day, its an entry with thoughts and statements and then reread them and ask myself are any of those untrue? If so why did I write it down? The first few days I did it, it was scary as to how many of the things I wrote down were lies and yet couldn't come up with an answer as to why? It's the realization of it that may help you...feel free to shoot me a message if you want to talk more about it.
i will have to try that out! thanks for opening the door to further conversation, i will probably message you in the future!
No one ever wants to hurt the ones we love...Any time it happens - and unfortunately with lies its all too often, I do my best to apologize and explain that I have a problem and am working on myself to fix it..sometimes it helps to let your loved ones know that you acknowledge that you have the problem and you are working on it. The hardest part at least that I've found is admitting that problem.