Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
I am 66 years old , have known my wife for the best part of thirty years as a friend , have been together for about eight years and married for nearly two years . I have lied thoughout my previous marriage to facillitate affairs and was unfaithful . I am now married to a wonderful woman who has made me so happy I hate myself for the way I treat her . I love her so much and because of my untruths this has driven a massive wedge through our relationship and marriage . We normally have a wonderful time together and I have not been unfaithful to her nor do I have any wish to do so . She has been so very supportive to me through a number of times in the recent past that I cannot find the words to praise her enough . She has also been so supportive with this issue so why is it that of all the people I know it is her that bears the brunt of my lies ? I have hurt her so badly .
I have spoken to a number of people about my problem / issue /addiction and have had counselling . On two occasions I felt I had got to a place where I no longer needed counselling and stopped attending the sessions . This was a mistake and I relapsed . I want to stop telling lies for good and have now started the sessions again and fully intend to continue with them . Advice has told me that to beat an addiction you first have to admit you have it , then really really want to stop . I have lied /told untruths and I really do want to stop telling lies / untruths . I want to stop this destructive addiction / problem that effects those closest to me and those dearest to me . My wife is the most honest , trusting and truthfully genuine person I know and I know that every time I lie I hurt her badly .I love her so very much so why do I do it ?
This is the first time I have posted .
My wife and I are attending counsellor this eve together, this is another way of being open honest transparent and not keeping anything from each other. There is nothing to keep secret as we talk about everything. It feels very good.
I will stop this.
Good luck to you both.
My question this time is how do you know when you've got to grips with this bloody problem?
I have so wanted to defeat my problem and have thought l had on two occasions, sadly this was not to be the case. I do not intend to make the same mistake again and stop counselling, l will continue..
Thank you in anticipation.
I'm not sure any of us that have been lying for so long will ever truly stop. There will always be times when we slip up and that's okay so long as we own it, confess and move on. Recovery is a bumpy road so we mustnt set ourselves up to fail. We have to accept our failings and learn to deal with them in a better, healthier way.
I've come to the realisation that everyone lies in one way or another, either to themselves or others. However, for most people it doesn't become habitual. There will be lots of reasons why all of us started and continue to lie. We find comfort in it, we think it keeps us safe or it makes us feel better about ourselves and allows us to fit in.
The problem is that whatever the reasons we lie the result is always the same. We hurt the ones around us. We shatter their trust and distort their reality. It's truly horrible and it's the reason we have to find the strength to be better.
I hope we can all find that strength. For me it helps to know there are others who have the same problem. It helps to know you're not alone and that there is hope. Hope is essential for without it we are lost.
Good luck and stay strong.