Throughout my whole relationship with my wife I was spending money compulsively without her ever knowing. At one point we were living off of payday loans without her knowledge. Then we got a large settlement for a car accident which I quickly started pissing away with my spending habits. Again without her knowledge. Eventually she saw the account and we ended up splitting what was left and living separately. Now finally my spending compulsions have caught up with me and I've completely run out of money. I have $80 dollars to my name and several unpaid bills and I don't even know how I'll pay the rent. In addition to the lies I've been telling her, I created this fantasy situation in my head where I would be able to catch up and fix everything. Of course without having to admit any of my lies. I think the main reason I'm here is that I realized how many lies I tell myself just to not have to face my lies to others. Which isn't helped by the fact that I've been spending the last 7 or 8 years drinking my worries away (which I've also been able to hide from my wife). A few months ago I had to admit to her that I had been doing poorly in school for a while and she said she felt deeply hurt like when she found out about the bank account. She reassured me that despite how much it hurt her it wasn't something that would jeopardize our relationship but then she flippantly said something like "unless it turns out you're just a pathological liar". Our relationship has been incredibly rocky for many years and I can't imagine it being able to weather a confession of lies throughout our whole marriage. I'm emphasizing that lie because it's the most pressing one but there are also a lot of other lies I've told, even if simply by omission. I feel like I could probably keep rambling on but suffice it to say that I feel incredibly scared and lost right now. Like my whole world is going to come crashing down.