I don't know what's worse, that the only woman I ever loved broke up with because I lied about my past, or that she judges me more harshly than anyone ever has.I loved her unconditionally and believed we were soul mates like she said we were. I've apologized for 6 months straight. Nothing I say means anything. I can't get redemption with her. I lied because I was ashamed of myself, and I wanted her to be proud of me. We were together for 2 yrs, and the moment we broke up...she found someone else.
I meant so little apparently, and I'm still recovering from my breakdown I had. My psychiatrist says she blew everything out of proportion. I wish she'd come see me and talk to me, but she won't. She has no idea how I feel. I needed her to love me while I fix myself, but she gave up. I know what I did was wrong, but none of her response was right either. I wanted to marry her.. but I mean nothing to her. My love for her meant nothing to her. I have a hard time dealing with this, because I thought she loved me. I fought hard to repair things...and she won't believe anything I say or give me a chance to prove myself. She said she's following me online, but the truth is...she has no idea how torn up I am. I fucked up and destroyed the best thing to ever happen to me. I was scared to loose everything I had if one told her the truth. Someone else told her instead. I was ashamed of myself and I lied to cover up my past. I was completely wrong. We can't even talk and be civil together. Fuck, she was my best friend once. I wish she would talk things out. I don't even think she thinks about me anymore.How could I mean so little so quickly?? I'm getting help for myself, where the hell is she when I need her most? Not here. She won't just show up to talk.