Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
my name is Mare and I'm a liar. I cheated on my husband before we were married and I never told him. Now, 8 years later, it all came out. I got caught n a lie and instead of coming clean, it took 4 months for the truth to come out. I tortured my husband, every time he thought it was safe, I hit him with another one. I made a fool of him, taking him back to the scene of one of the crimes and lying some more. I tried to sugarcoat what happened to save his feelings. That's been my MO my whole life, commit bad behavior then lie about it. To my parents when I was young, and mostly to myself. I always want to fix things and make everyone happy. I'm so afraid of people not liking me. Sometimes it seems like the stupidest thing is the thing I omit from a story. I'm in marriage counseling with my husband. He's a wreck, he doesn't feel safe with me. His image of me is totally shattered. I want to live an honest life for him and for myself. I sold him a Cadillac when I'm really a Pinto. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I want to sleep good at night. Now I'm so anxious all the time. It's the guilt over the pain I caused from my actions and from my lies. I've been reading a lot about self esteem. I came from a poor background, was very promiscuous when I was young. but I went to college, made something of myself and have a great job. My husband has a classier background but he knew about my past and loved me anyway. But I got drunk and kissed 2 guys when he and I were dating. I also briefly kissed a male friend of mine but for once had the wherewithal to stop that kiss immediately. I know my actions and subsequent lies after have to do with low self esteem but how do I stop lying? Sometimes it's almost like an automatic response or omission. And most of the time it's so stupid, the truth would be just as easy. Help!
bigliar42
Awww admitting it is the first step. Mare I can certainly understand where you are coming from. I too am a compulsive liar, I lie every chance I get. I am trying to uinderstand why I do it. I am unemployed and gay. I ly to my mom who has been supportive of me always but when I go out I lie and say I am going out with my best friends or going alone every time. She does not tryst me nor will she ever. When I said to her that I am going out she wants to come with me or whatever. I lied to my best friend who now is not speaking to me and hasn't since 5 years. I lied at work, I ly to people. And I lie just for the sake of it. I want to stop but don't know how. I cant sleep I am depressed all the time. As a 42 year old its hard and I will be alone for ever
msfixer
Thanks for the support. I lied to my parents when I was young to hide what I was doing and to stay out of trouble. Now I lie to avoid confrontation and get out of trouble too. It became a habit that seemed so much easier than telling the truth. The truth was usually ugly and shameful. I am trying every day to be honest with my husband. Sometimes I feel he doesn't understand. But I also have to realize he isn't happy about what I've done and of course the truth is going to hurt him and I can't just say "ok, all done, that was in the past, just forgive me and we'll move on". It doesn't work that way. He had to hear the whole truth so he can process it, grieve and then, move on if he chooses to. I can't manipulate the facts to get the outcome I want, which is him staying with me and loving me like he always did. My heart breaks thinking that he won't love me the same it anymore at all. Again, thanks for your support. I will tell the truth, no matter the consequences.
rjchandler
Something you said here really resonated with me: "I can't manipulate the facts to get the outcome I want, which is him staying with me and living me like he always did." Wow, don't I understand that feeling. How are you doing with all of this?
imdoingwhatican
I really appreciate all of you sharing and it helps me to hear your stories.....I have been married for 22 years and I have lied to my wife about money over and over that whole time. When In my brain somewhere there's a twisted sense of logic telling me that it would be better to avoid conflict than admit we haven't had a good month or two. I promised her to be honest and share where we are, good or bad, then I turn around and try to 'fix' a problem on my own. Invariably, without fail, it backfires and what would have been OK (or a short argument followed by us sitting down and working it out together) becomes a broken promise, a breach of faith,, and a financial crisis. My marriage is in shreds because of what I can honestly call an addiction to lying and hiding the facts. The only advice I could evn begin to give is what I'm trying to do - ask God for help, perspective, and to get me out of my own head and my screwed-up thinking; and to focus on doing one stinkin day at a time without lying or misrepresenting myself to anyone.....it's so much harder than it has any right to be, but it's doable. And I pray my marriage, my career and my life can recover and actually become what it should be....
msfixer
Thanks for your reply. My continued mistake has been to think "I'm ok now". It's all behind me. When I forget what I've done and minimize the damage I've caused, I go right back to repeating it. A 12 step program for life is what I need. Thank you and don't give up
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