Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
This is my first post and I’m not sure about this, I’ve never admitted to being a liar to a large group before but here goes...
My recent story goes like this: I was in a relationship with my best friend for two years, before I cheated on him with an ex. It was brief, it was foolish, and brought about by my insecurity and fear that he was also cheating. My current found out, though I denied the whole thing. He broke up with me. Months later, by chance we ran into each other and ended up slowly rekindling a friendship, then a relationship again. Months after THAT, I finally told him the truth. He was crushed actually knowing it for real, and he tried hard to forgive me and try to trust me. Neither of us really knew how best to go about that, so it just kind of teetered along awkwardly. We loved each other so much and were such good friends, that we wanted it to work out but we didn’t quite know how best to do it.
And I didn’t try hard enough. I thought maybe if I just never went out anymore, spent all my time with him, that eventually we could just move past it.
Cut to a couple months ago, when I decided to have lunch with that same ex that I’d cheated with. I hadn’t seen him in over a year and a half, and he and I were both in agreement that we were never going to be more than friends again. All it was was lunch with a very old friend, no flirting, no nothing.
I didn’t tell my current that I went to have lunch with the ex. But he had been tracking my phone location, unbeknownst to me, for the past two years. So he saw I was not at home, asked where I was, and I lied about where I was. I felt like it was unnecessary to tell him because we weren’t currently REALLY back together, and also I was only having lunch. However, I also know that I was trying to make excuses for myself. I should have been honest, period. Especially about this person. And I wasn’t.
So now he has cut me off, probably for good. He has barely said a word to me and all he has said has been very angry.
The thing is, I love this man deeply. I wanted to be with him forever. But I lie. And that’s caused this to fall apart. I don’t want to lie anymore, but I’m fearful. I’m fearful of people thinking I’m horrible, in general. And now I’ve lost the best relationship of my life so far. I just feel horrible and, I just don’t know where to start.
I don’t lie about everything all the time, but I do lie to save face or make myself look better, often. I’m so afraid of looking bad or wrong. So I lie to try and get out of that. How do I start to get out of that?
Welcome to the group of us..and you can rest assured that you are not alone in your situation. Lying is a horrible addiction and is a hugely destructive issue. I've dealt with it for the past 20 years, have turned off family, lost friends and destroyed relationships. But to get out of it? You made the first step - you admitted to yourself and out-loud on here that you have a problem. There is no easy answer as to how to end or solve this, I've tried so many different ways, some have worked for a little while, others were a complete fail. So here's my take...prayer, and looking at yourself in the mirror every day and ask, if I lie today why and who would be hurt? What would be worse? The hurt of the lie or the hurt of the truth? Just take it day by day, and know that you are not alone. Stay strong!
Thank you so much for your comment. I feel like I sound like an awful person and you have no idea how much it means to me to hear someone be kind and accepting. I appreciate your advice so very much and I will try to start to implement that into my every day. All my appreciation!!
You are not a horrible person at all. We all have things in our life that we are not proud of. As jk1228 stated you have made the first step in admitting that you have an issue and you struggle with lying. Welcome to the group as you can see you are not alone. I have found strength in prayer and meditation. I too have struggled with this for a large part of my life and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Find a way to deal with this issue ie journaling, prayer, us or whatever you have in mind. Take it one day at a time.
Thank you for those words, I am so thankful to have found a place where I can be honest without fear of being judged. I can only move forward, not dwell on my many mistakes and lies of the past. one day at a time! Thank you so much.
You just hit the nail on the head - be honest with YOURSELF. You can't be honest with anyone else until you are with yourself and you stay that way. The past is done, Use the drive that you used to dwell and turn it to change. And just remember - this won't happen over night, the slips and mistakes will happen - DO NOT dwell on them - admit it, accept it and learn from it. Admit to yourself that you lied and then move on. Remember every day without a lie is one day forward towards success. Keep the faith!
You've got this!!! Stay encouraged!