Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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Jason31Atlanta 09/18/2017

Hello, I am Jason. I am 49 year old, in fact turn 50 in two days. I have a problem with lying. I have been lying all my life. Most recently I had lied to the woman I loved most in the world. I hurt her deeply and have lost her trust. I lie about little things that she would accept and not judge me. I had the most supportive partner in the world and I lost her trust. Very well may lose her. I feel scared of the future but I am determined to overcome this. I need help and have my first theraphy appointment in a week. It has been about two weeks when everything started crashing down. She is a very smart woman and quickily realized my wrongdoings. Looking for daily checks and balances. I know I shouldnt lie. I dont want to lie. I want to make sure I dont get in this situation again. If anyone has daily habits that are helpful please share.

mikeyrg 09/19/2017

Hey Jason! Remember no matter what you would not be facing this dragon without the recent events. So good on you for waking up! The first step is admitting that you have this problem and wanting to change. My montra is that we lie out of fear. Fear of judgement, rejection, loss of control, not being perfect, ...... Start looking for your triggers. Come up with an action plan to conquer your need to lie. Therapy sessions are good but you need a daily practice. Lying has become muscle memory as a protective reflex and changing this takes time, energy and practice. Start correcting yourself when you lie. If not immediately then within the hour. Start daily journaling. Consider a 12 step program. Start reading self help books. I found Brene Brown inspirational. You can watch her Ted talk easily on shame. Quit doing behaviors you would lie about. Just stop! And do this one day at a time. Definitely remember you are not alone!!! Learn to be open and honest not just with your actions but with your thoughts. You cannot make everyone happy all the time and that is ok!!! Once you start down this path you will not want to turn back!!!!

Jason31Atlanta 09/19/2017

Thanks Mike. I have a supportive partner. That doesn't mean our relationship will survive but she is very support of my desired intentions to correct this problem. I have caught my self at times withholding information or agreeing with something that is incorrect. She has asked me "What do I want? " My respond was "I want to be seen as a honest person". She pointed out I can be seen as a honest person by lying. She is very smart. I want to be a honest person regardless of what people think of me. She tells me to set a goal of not lying for one day. If I cant do that break it into smaller increments.

I agree that we lie out of fear. I had no reason to have feared her. My triggers are uncomfortable situation, embarrassment, and confrontation. What I lied about, I had no reason to lie about. She would have understood and accepted me. Best way to avoid confrontation is to be honest. I will look up Brene Brown and I appreciate the advice.

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