What I like so much about this post is how easy it is to lie thinking we are avoiding hurting someone else's feelings when it is in actuality all about us! Great example!! I suspect you reacted so harshly to your wife because she triggered your own anger at yourself perhaps. Thanks for sharing!

Very true the blow up was more at a frustration with myself. We have had a lot of stress this week as my wife is studying for her board exams to get her license to practice. She is looking for little things right now so if she does not pass she can blame me. That is no excuse for what I did or the realities of the hurt caused. The gentleman I lied too totally understands not wanting to talk with his dad. Ever since his stroke he gets really belligerent if you don't answer the way he wants. Again not an excuse for the lie, It was wrong and I admit that.

yep, we just have to get it pounded into our heads that there is absolutely no good reason, and we will get caught, and we cannot lie our way out of it, and it will make our lives worse. Good luck.

Hi how do you handle it when you tell the truth after having lied and your wife doesn't believe you?
I really understand why my wife won't believe me cause I lied so many times and then told her this is the last time now you know everything, but then I lie again. She gave me one more chance and said I should come clean with all my lies. I am but now that I'm telling the truth she doesn't believe it and gets upset...This scares me because I fear I might lie again or make up something so she would believe me. I really don't want to Lie to her again, I want to start over no Lies but I don't know how to make her understand that this time it's for reall I do realise I have a problem and I'm doing my best to work through it. I have hurt her so much already

Im finding it easiest to slow down and think before you speak. Its a habit all habits can be broken. It is very important for me to take care of this. I have a lot to lose and i want my peace of mind back

Getting started is hard. When we have lied, then lied about lying, over and over, how would someone be able to believe when we say we're not gonna do it again. But, with my wife, I told her that anything fishy that came along, we would chase it down together, doing whatever had to be done to determine the truth. Then, after a while of doing that, it became easier to sort out the fishy things, but they still had to be sorted out. After a long time, things get better. As long as you don't blow it again.

Jgar4, read my prior post "Liar eyes". Remember that you have sincerely looked into your partners eyes and lied. How then when she hears you speak the truth is she supposed to know the difference. Hold empathy for her doubt and mistrust. This is our lot. It will take a long long long long time of consistent truth telling before she dare to surrender her vulnerability and trust again. Do not get frustrated. Give up that negative energy that wells up when she projects doubt. After all we created that doubt. It took me a while as I would get anxious when my truth was questioned to let go of panic and my ego driven upset. I realized ultimately that all I could do was be truthful and if not believed the issue was no longer mine. I quit defending myself. I would simply state that is all I have to say because it is the truth and let the issue go. Again hold only empathy for your partner as they learn they can ultimately trust again.