I believe in you. The past is there for a reason and I believe that you can learn to change your habits. the fact that you are posting in this group shows that you know lying is a habit of yours that you would like to change and that is the first step. Try journaling about the temptation to lie. Try taking a step in the direction of forgiving yourself everyday. Healing on this will take having your own back and being on your own team especially because lying can take away many of your relationships. Be willing to forgive yourself and you will be able to find peace.

Thank you Rjn. I really appreciate your encouragement. I have been keeping a journal every day since joining the group and, as you say, it is helping.

Forgiving myself is the hardest part. Especially as I see daily the impact my lies have had on my wife. Her love and perseverance is what sustains me, but I also know I can't be reliant on that as it may not always be there.

I hope that you are doing okay too.

I, too, am having trouble in my relationship where even when I'm being truthful my partner is suspicious or unbelieving. Unfortunately, I have conditioned him to be that way and to think that way. Understanding my part in it and trying to put myself in his shoes has helped a lot because it helps me realize "of course he is going to be suspicious, these are things I've lied about in the past. I would be suspicious of him too if the roles were reversed". In which case, I can sympathize (rather than get defensive) and discuss in a more understanding manner. Then, I can say something like, "I understand why you don't believe me because I have given you reasons not to believe me by lying about something like this in the past. I am considering all details of this situation and am fully aware that I am being honest in this case but I can't expect you to be convinced by my word. Hopefully as I continue to be honest in situations like this I will be able to prove to you that I can be trusted again." I'm nowhere near the being trusted part but I think understanding my partner's side of it is at least opening up my perspective of the situation and helping me to be more mindful in those situations. And being mindful helps me to be honest rather than gut-reactive.

Hi DWhitney. Thank you for your post. It really helps to know that other people face the same struggle. I totally understand what you're saying and you're right. The only way to beat this is to fully empathise with those your lies have affected. It's something I've spent a lifetime avoiding, but I know I can't any longer. I know I need to switch off my defense mechanisms and focus fully on what my wife must be feeling and why. I need to demonstrate my care and love for her rather than simply say it. Your advice will help me to do that. I'll reflect on what you've said whenever I feel myself getting defensive. I believe it will help. Thank you.