Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

1,668 Members

2,158 Posts

0 Online

katmccord 07/15/2016

I am a liar in recovery. I have lied a lot over the years, mostly white lies. Most recently I committed adultery and lied about it. I have now come clean and my husband is sticking by my side and is even supporting me in my recovery from lying. He is a wonderful man.

The problem is, now he is inventing things that I am supposedly lying about. He thinks there were other men and that the adultery went on for years. He even claims to have evidence, but won't tell me what. There have not been other men. This has not gone on for years. He also thinks that I had sex at work. I didn't. He even found a text to a girlfriend of mine where I said I did not do it and said that was evidence that I did. I want to heal and move past this, and overall we are doing very well.

How do I handle these things that he is so sure about that never happened? I want to help him and be happy with him, But I will not admit the things that I never did. How could I? Does anyone have any suggestions?

Treyorb 07/21/2016

Hey so I'm new here and I see you never got a reply after 6 days. Is that normal? I'm asking because i. Want. Help. Asap!! So frustrated with myself!

katmccord 07/21/2016

This group used to be busy, but now it has slowed WAY down. Go ahead and post. You may start getting comments.
Also, I highly recommend research, and lots of it. Learn the types of liars, the reasons we lie, what has worked for others, etc... Set SMALL goals for yourself and set yourself up for success.
Best of luck to you!

gs1221 07/25/2016

Your husband sounds awesome! My girl friend is the same way. She has the courage and strength to stay with me even after the lies.. I know for her it's tough to trust me what with the lying that I did prior.. But she does. Bless her!! Though I have to continue to do the right things and to continue to speak the truth.

Though I have changed with the help of a sympathetic priest and what strength I have to continue on this psth of truth. It is hard but I carry on. But for some, especially those we love who we've betrayed with our lies may take a while.. She was patient - very very patient with me. So I am patient with her.

lyinglucy 07/25/2016

I think I'm in a similar position, and I know how hard it is. Last year my husband discovered that I had lied about past relationships, and that I'd contacted a former boyfriend on fb. I haven't ever been unfaithful to him, but I'd had thoughts about it and to him that was worse in some ways. He has told me that he has to assume that I have had affairs, because it's easier in some ways for him to assume the worst and then deal with it. He has threatened to leave and asked me to sign divorce papers on several occasions, but somehow we have come back together. He is struggling at the moment because we talked about an incident in my past last week, and I told him I hadn't know three of the people present when in fact I knew two of them. Soon after we'd spoken I had a mental image of two of them and knew that what I had said wasn't true - but I didn't consciously or deliberately lie, I really had forgotten who was there. However, because it was a different story he sees it as a lie. It's so difficult. The only thing I can say is that you have to be open and understanding. It's hard to be under suspicion and not be trusted, but I think you just have to be patient. Your husband sounds like a patient man, and he deserves patience from you as well. Understand that every time he finds out something that you have lied about, or that your story changes, the ground moves under his feet and he doesn't know where he stands. He is very likely to try to find out whether more has happened, and part of this process will involve him telling you that he has proof, in order to prompt you into a confession. It's quite understandable, but it's frustrating for both of you - you can't confess to something that you haven't done, and he, I'm sure, suspects that there is more which you aren't telling him. It's a stalemate. It isn't an easy position to be in at all, as I know from experience. You say your husband is a wonderful man. Mine is too. I can't admit to things that didn't happen either. You have my sympathy and support, and I really hope that things get better for you.

katmccord 07/25/2016

Thank you for your support guys. We are moving forward, and making progress day by day. We communicate constantly, which I love and is bringing us very close. We share our hurt with each other (I hurt over things that I have done too).
My husband is a patient man, more so than I ever (or he ever) knew before. He is a good, strong, wonderful man, and together we will get through this. It is hard. It ill take time, but I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel, and I KNOW that we will make it.
I just keep "getting caught" telling the truth, and let him know daily how sorry I am for what I did and that I am actively working on growing and improving myself.
I am a liar in recovery.
Now if he will just start to tell people that try to spread rumors to shut up instead of indulging them... That makes me SO mad! How is it anyone's response to a "friend's" struggle (to try to make it worse by spreading rumors and making things up)!? What is WRONG with people!? I don't blame my husband, all though I do wish that he would shut them down instead of making it worse. I blame those sickos who enjoy watching him hurt and who care more about gossip than him!! It's sick!!
Anyway, overall things are going well and we are growing together. I am reading the Bible more and working on me.

How are you guys doing?

Join the Conversation