I wish I knew what to tell you. I am in the same boat. My husband is considering divorce as we speak because he can't trust anything I say anymore. I don't know how to fix this either and I don't think there is a "quick fix". I have to spend every day lying less and less. Maybe if I can show him that I am getting better, he will stay. Other than that....I am at a loss.

Gemini6118: Because I have lied to her so many times shes doesn't believe me when I tell her it will never happen again nor does she believe my truths that I tell her. I am just trying to show her that this time is different and I am changing. I hope you can do the same with your husband. one thing I have realized is no matter the reason of the lie the truth will be better they may not like the answer but they cant be mad at me for lying and instead of being twice as mad they are just mad at whatever the issue is.

You just have to remind her that you are trying your best & it will take patience. Stick to the truth, and you may need to repeat yourself a few times. Transparency is very important as well. If you can show her something that you talked about - do so. It will help build that trust back.

I'm in the same situation right now with my girlfriend. I lied to her a lot about many things. Now she is asking me to tell the truth about something and I am telling her the truth. She doesn't believe a single word of it. I feel good about it, but yet I feel frustrated with myself because I am the reason why she doesn't believe it. I've lied to her way to many times. Just have to keep with the truth like I am. I hope and pray that she will believe me or something. It's all about the truth which I'm doing

I am 15 days without telling a single lie not even when I wanted to. it feels good to be honest however frustrating at the same time. frustrating because my wife doesn't believe me when I am telling the truth. what is the most frustrating is when people that know of the situation act like they have never made a f***ing mistake before. OK, so it took me a couple times of making the same mistake before I learned but really, come on don't act like you have never made a mistake and wanted forgiveness and you have seen the issues with everything. you cant change something you don't see as an issue. you have to first see and accept the issue to change it. sometimes people with judgmental attitudes can make it hard to change something because you feel they wont see it so why even bother. but you have to want to make the change for yourself to better yourself and to be a better father and son and husband. and sometimes you just have to give everyone the finger and say I am going to prove you wrong. people can change one day at a time.

All I'm new to the group and i can say I'm going through the same thing me and my wife are having on the verge of splitting up but it was during a time when she was yelling at me
over a simple lie that i final realized for myself that i hated the person that i have become. I understand that you guys want to change and especially for your marriage, but i really think you need and want to change for yourself and well. Yes Kcroyals: its going to be a hard road to travel but you can do it stick to your guns that are working and if my math is correct then today should be your 22nd day without telling a lie so congratulations and maybe you should try to show your wife the support system you have within this group and maybe also let her know that this is something that affect so many people and that she is not the only one going through what she is going through. Keep with the I'm going to prove your attitude because its a slow process but you will show them.

Swel - same reason were apart. It was over a stupid lie, that I shouldn't have said. Its been tough & very depressing times for me lately.

Hi all, welcome newcomers! I haven't been around in awhile, but wanted to provide some words that I really hated to hear in the beginning of my journey but have helped me the most.

You won't start getting better until you stop lying to yourself first. The majority of us make it to this group because our current relationship is threatened by the lies we've told. However lying is just a symptom of a greater problem. Lying is just like any other addiction and unless we decide to stop lying for ourselves, we sure as heck won't stop lying for anyone else. The only people I ever see get better with any addiction are the people who eventually come to understand this concept: if you want to get better and stop lying, you have to decide that you will tell the truth and accept the consequences and be committed to getting better regardless of whether your relationships survive or not.

This is really hard to hear. I definitely did not want to hear this when I first when into a recovery program. I did not want to end my current relationship but I had tried so many different things to get better and sabotaged so many relationships because of my lying. It was a matter of needing to learn to love myself because I had never done that before, so how could I really love anyone else?

Once you accept this concept, you know you'll be ready to get truly better. I know this can be a lot more complicated than it seems, but I hope you will find your own path to loving yourself and truly loving and being loved in a deep and trusting way by those in your future.

Good advise there :)

I have been apologizing and trying to show my soon to be ex-wife that I am serious about changing because I love our family, we have a 5 yr old daughter, and I want to put us back together. I hurt those I love the most with my lies all I want to do is fix myself and my marriage. She has said that she is done, drew up divorce papers, wants me out of the house.

Sometimes taking a step back from things helps. I know its sad to think, but maybe some space to realize how much she misses you will get her thinking differently. Its hard to let go, but it may help things.

I will say that once you are on a positive path and are starting to feel better, you cannot let your guard down. I have been the victim of letting my guard down and letting myself fall backwards a couple of times. You need to stay positive and keep on yourself to do the right thing and tell the truth!

my new therapist told me that that kind of rush feeling is like that mystery novel, the thriller.

it is the adrenaline that comes from getting away with a 'cheat'.

getting away with a cheat for a cheater, is like, number one thrill, and when it hurts somebody, it is like bigger thrill for some of those real sickos....so, are you doing it to get THAT high?????


you better go turn yourself in to a forensic psychiatrist, and fast, if you are, cuase that could lead to some serious sh**T.

Please accept my hug to all of those out there that share the same problem of lies and deception. My hug to all of you is the awareness that I have discovered of the reasons why we lie, lies by omission, lies just because. Through working with an amazing Therapist, I learned that my accumulated fears of not being worthy enough, are the main cause. We live in our heads and sometimes our hearts but we never learned how to find our safe places within our selves. My therapist helped me realize that "We" all need to live within ourselves in 3 places. 1) Our Head, Our Hearts and Our Safe Place (Belly). Think of what you are about to say is " Judgmental or Compassionate" When ever the conscious mind sends a signal for us to open our mouth and spew out a lie, practicing to first think about our heart, then from our safe place and then our mouth. Like trying to exercise for months to get into good physical shape, if you stop exercising once you get into shape, then you will fall back to the old patterns. Same as telling lies. Once you stop telling lies, you must continue to speak from your safe place and your heart place and not from the head. Think of this. People that are not liars can pick up immediately that you are a liar. Liars cannot hide for long. When you walk into a room and people see you, they also feel your energy. Do you wish them to feel your lies or feel your compassion? The fear of being exposed as a liar are the best tools you have to overcome our problem. Use the fear of discovery of your lies to find and practice your safe place. I hope that this makes sense and I wish that you all may find your path to a happier healthier way of life.................... I am very happy to communicate with any of you out there that may wish to find the path out of our lies............... By helping you helps me. Liarnomore

Please accept my hug as you share the same problem of lies and deception. My hug to you is the awareness that I have discovered of the reasons why we lie, lies by omission, lies just because. Through working with an amazing Therapist, I learned that my accumulated fears of not being worthy enough, are the main cause. We live in our heads and sometimes our hearts but we never learned how to find our safe places within our selves.....My therapist helped me realize that "We" all need to live within ourselves in 3 places. 1) Our Head, Our Hearts and Our Safe Place (Belly). Think if what you are about to say is " Judgmental or Compassionate" When ever the conscious mind sends a signal for us to open our mouth and spew out a lie, practicing to first think about our heart and then from our safe place and then our mouth. Like trying to exercise for months to get into good physical shape, if you stop exercising once you get into shape, then you will fall back to the old patterns. Same as telling lies. Once you stop telling lies, you must continue to speak from your safe place and your heart place and not from the head. Think of this. People that are not liars can pick up immediately that you are a liar. Liars cannot hide for long. When you walk into a room and people see you, they also feel your energy. Do you wish them to feel your lies or feel your compassion? The fear of being exposed as a liar are the best tools you have to overcome our problem. Use the fear of discovery of your lies to find your safe compassionate place. I hope that this makes sense and I wish that you may find your path to a happier healthier way of life. I am very happy to communicate with you out there that may wish to find the path out of our lies. By helping you helps me. Liarnomore