Hello my lovelies!

No one much comes around any more and I haven't heard from JC in over a year. I hope everyone is all right.

I have been in a very bad place for awhile. Right before Thanksgiving my husband announced that our 18 year marriage is over. I went into a tailspin until after New Years. I haven't worked in 16 years. I have no income, no degree, and no real way to physically handle working a normal full time job. I have nothing. Even my car is not in my name. Homelessness is a real possibility. I have been so terrified.

I also started to realize how much denial I had been in and that I hadn't wanted to be married to him either for at least eight years but was paralyzed by fear of my chronic illness and pain and my ability to manage to survive. The relationship was toxic. 

The first week in January I picked my ass up, dusted it off, and began fact and information gathering on what my options are. I have had an amazing amount of emotional support from family and friends. After consulting with several lawyers and exploring the possibility of going back to school and finishing my degree in accounting, a plan began to form. 

I chose a lawyer out of those I consulted with and he painstakingly walked me through my options. He helped me flesh out my plan. The goals....to do this divorce as cheaply as possible and get enough in the divorce to allow me to live for two years while I finish school because I am not capable of working and going to school at the same time. With my degree I should be able to find a decent job that allows me some flexibility either working part from home online or even fully from home online.

The two remaining questions were how much would I get from the proceeds of the sell of our house and would he agree to my terms which would allow a cheap uncontested divorce or would he not agree and then I would file a contested divorce which could end up costing between $10,000-$20,000, and I would probably get more through the court than what I am wanting in the agreement but it would be offset by the cost of the divorce, lol. Either way, I would get what I need. I just needed to get him to see that and that it would actually cost him more to fight me and that even paying a mediator would be astronomical.

Before I put my options for agreement before him, I wanted to have all the facts so I could present it in a full, concise manner and give him the facts needed for him to make an informed decision. So I called the realtor that we bought the house through and asked what we could list and sell the house for. She immediately said she had someone looking for exactly what we had and he would probably buy it once seen. I wasn't emotionally ready to present things to him, but I needed to to see about letting them look at the house. So I called him and took about 30 minutes to lay it all out. A few points we went back and forth on, then he said maybe he wanted to ask a lawyer himself which is fine, but to go ahead and show the house.

I called the realtor back and she said she would show the house at 4 that afternoon. I had a few hours to get it ready. They came at 4:10 and by 4:30 they were sitting at my dining room table making an offer of our full asking price. We signed the acceptance by 5pm and our house was sold. She sold our house before it ever went on the market, shown to one person, and in under 6 hours! Our heads were spinning.

We thought it might take months. Neither of us expected this. The timing works out great though for me because I can move and get settled before my first semester of school starts. All of this spurred a speed up on the other issues as we had to handle this move and start making those decisions. Somehow we managed to hammer everything out and he agreed to everything I asked for with just a few adjustments and even added some extra for me.

The lawyer is writing up the agreement and we sign next week then it will take 90 days to go through the court and to our hearing and then in 30 days after that it will be final. Whew! My head is spinning. I am amazed that we pulled this off. I am amazed that we did it all in under 24 hours and without having to pay a mediator. Our divorce will cost less than two thousand and we all three get the best possible outcome with our daughter benefitting by having both of her parents okay, stable, and friendly.

I am still in shock, lol.

I am also still terrified.

My chronic illnesses and pain will make this journey near impossible for me, but I have no choice but to try and thanks to Covid, the possibility for flexible work from home jobs are more likely than ever before. I am still terrified. It is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. 

I am looking forward to being in command of my own life again. I am looking forward to some peace. The weight of pain, grief, anger, resentment, and chaos has left me now. I have taken my power back. 

Let the journey begin!

Tonna sending healing thoughts, peace, love, hugs, and comfort