I know how you feel. Even as I take a break from participating on a real level, as we all do from time to time for a variety of reasons, I understand. For some time I tried to carry this board, as so many were down, but I got frustrated with it. We are a small board. This is part of what makes it special. We also have our own unique wild, crazy, irreverent, and non-judgmental ways. We have bonded as family.

So many of us just can't be here right now for several reasons. And a couple of us, just can't carry it on our own. I have come to a place where it is okay for this to be a slow and quiet board. We still love each other and will still check in and give support when we can. And this is okay.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we are still here. There are changes and challenges happening in all of our lives. There are changes and challenges happening on several boards. Time will tell what this board morphs into.

We can be the architect of that change. We determine the participation level. Yes, we all have to step away from time to time. But what happens when we all step away at the same time? I am taking a major break in my own participation on the boards, but I still check in, as I know many of you do too.

So what's the answer? ..............We do what we can.

As to the main board......sigh.......dunno..........it is trying to find itself again after the loss of someone who was so prevalent in all aspects of it. It will eventually find it's way and the cycles of disruptions will continue if on a less frequent basis. Part of it. A large reason the family we have here came together and made this place what it was/is.

My rambling really isn't going anywhere, just know I share your frustration, and yet I am in a place where my participation must be less than stellar....sigh.

I love you all.
Tonna

I'm sorry you are feeling this way JC. I can't help but feel part of it is my fault since my presence here has always been shoddy at best. I know during our conversation on the phone I said I would start being more active here and yet this is my first time posting here since then. I'm sorry to you and everyone else here for adding to the problem.

Damn....closed your account.......sigh.....

I'm like Kate Winslet in Titanic after a night floating on the icy water and having just let go of the love of my life to the deep ocean on hearing the rescue boats........(hoarsely) calling...."come back, come back!"..........

Tonna....I'm in complete agreement. Its really hard to ask more of those that have less to give. I'm so disappointed to see JC go. I hope she knows we will always be here should she decide to come back. I feel like I let her down in some way though and for that I'm sorry. I guess I'm spoiled because T is always there when I need support outside of LMBM. He always has my back when I need urgent help. And then there's LMBM. All of what? About 6 of us post with some regularity? With so few it's hard to expect someone to be around during a crisis. I've just come to accept that we may not be many.....but what we have is somewhat special. We can be real, honest and well just be ourselves. And for that I'm willing to keep on coming back. I hope you all feel the same way.

I really don't think it's fair of me to expect more from any of you. Would I love to hear from you each and everyday? Of course. I honestly believe that you do what you are able, you give what you can. You're here when you are able. Yeah....it can make it a bit boring to see nothing going on.....no one stopping by. But I know damned straight if I come in hollering, someone will answer.

I totally agree with JC on the big board, I rarely post there anymore. The big board is just....uncomfortable.

Matt....LMBM comes second to your real life. You were really sick and trying to get better, I wouldn't have been here either. I'm just glad that you're feeling better and can check in from time to time to keep us posted.

Any other thoughts, suggestions?

fuck

Just Sigh.... Seekn's Sad.... 8-(

Shit. Can someone message me her email so that I definitely have it?
Just... Shit. I'm gutted. Mainly because I could have been on more but wasn't.

I don't have email addy. Sure going to miss JC. She has a way of lighting up the boards.

JC if you are reading.....I really miss you.

I think we've all taken a rough kick in the gut. This loss is truly painful.

I'm so damned sorry you guys..

Totally just feeling sorry for myself.

Nobody here has ever let me down...we all do the best we can with what we have.

I know you guys will forgive me...'cause that's what home does when you come back.

Feel free to chastise me 'til you're ready for the forgiving part.

Luvnhugs

jc

Oh how I missed you. You have always lifted everyone up. For months you kept the CP board afloat when it was all so negative. In all that time and even now I know there is pain for you. I never forget that. Emotionally and physically, just like so many. You use your experiences for good to help others.

I am just glad you are back here to your family who loves you.

There is a saying my little sister uses " it is what it is". She does that and then doesn't reach out to me because she thinks nothing can change. I know so much of what we all go through is chronic but I believe with all my heart the support here makes a difference. For me talking about my things is hard. Yet when I have posted my feelings here I receive so much love and support. That means a lot to me. The just knowing that others know where I am coming from, understand and care.

Welcome home my dear friend.

Wow, " Hippy"...thank you so much. You couldn't have spoken more to the heart of the matter.

I was just thinking earlier this a.m....I need to learn to scream like a drama queen...:-) :-)
..Kinda not kidding.
For those of us..which is pretty much all of us in this " house".. who only talk about our pain ( of any kind)..pretty much just here,---
I guess it just implodes when we don't let it explode?
Probably not making much sense...I don't seem to any more.

But..I thank you for you unfailing kindness, friend.

Luvnhugs

Yes we need to "scream like drama queens" sometime because the bottom line is that "it is not it is what it is"

Support and love helps change that. You and the family are always in my heart. I tell you this true. I worry about you and all you go through. Maybe it is the sixth sense cause you don't always put it out there.

You, Seek and Matt and Tod. My heart just says you are at the point of Tod's story The Iron Road. I wish there was anything I could do to make it better. All I can do is hold you close to my heart and wish for miracles and cures.

For sure this group can lay it all out there.

You made me cry. A good cry..:-) :-) Thank you.

( hmm..oookaay..now I seem to be back as Jancam, too. Long story..:-) my usual Techno savvy..:-) :-)

Anyway...

I don't want to chastise you. I wanna hug you tight, hold your hands and just talk for hours. I do feel like I let you down though because I was feeling like you were having a rough time. I just really knew you weren't you and instead of telling you I was worried. I said nothing and just sent you hugs. I was afraid I would be imposing on your privacy. But next time....if there's a next time I'm worried about you I'm just gonna ask you if you need a friend or need to talk. I would rather have you tell me to not be nosy, than let you feel like you don't have enough support.

I'm so very happy your home!! Want your powers back?