Let me be Me Community Group
A support group for those of us that need a safe place to share what ails us. Or what doesn't! This group is your group so you can be the person you really are, no need to pretend, no need to create some successful cyber image. Whether sharing our trials and tribulations, or our success's in life. Whether in sadness and needing comfort and support, or just...
On one of the boards that I'm am a fringe memberof..
This woman whom I have found to be very inspiring due to her relentless humor
And spirit in the face of terminal illness...died.
It,s caused me to reflect a bit on deeper things than usual.
I've reminded my family a couple of times in the last few years,
That how I am now is not how I want them to remember me..
But, how I used to be.
The death of this lady made me relise..no matter that I would prefer it differently..
I WILL be remembered more for how I am during the time closer to my death,
Than as I was before pain and illness overtook me.
At this time...my pain is pretty well managed. I KNOW the nature of Med tolerance..and flares..
I know this is a temporary state.
And...I plan to do all I can during in this state...to be the person..( wife/mom/gramdma/daughter/sister/friend..
That I want to be remembered as.
I can't help but fear, though..the coming time when pain outweighs everything again.
I know from repeated experience now..that I don't have that kind of courage that
What I consider to be my real self.can shine through what I become when pain dominates everything.
This is the first time in four years that I have felt anything like close to myself..
And..that's still under layers of meds and fatigue.
I LONG to alter who I have become in my families memory during this time..
Without knowing what time frame I have to do that in.
In case this is the last " remision" .
This is rambly...and more suited to a journal.
But..it goes toward explaining my being quieter ( besides my damned, random DS difficulties).
And..y'all are who I talk to about real stuff.
And, then...there's..how do you get out of the habits of pain avoidance?
If this disappears after I post it..it's because I feel it's kind of a senseless ramble.
Hugs.....jc
This woman whom I have found to be very inspiring due to her relentless humor
And spirit in the face of terminal illness...died.
It,s caused me to reflect a bit on deeper things than usual.
I've reminded my family a couple of times in the last few years,
That how I am now is not how I want them to remember me..
But, how I used to be.
The death of this lady made me relise..no matter that I would prefer it differently..
I WILL be remembered more for how I am during the time closer to my death,
Than as I was before pain and illness overtook me.
At this time...my pain is pretty well managed. I KNOW the nature of Med tolerance..and flares..
I know this is a temporary state.
And...I plan to do all I can during in this state...to be the person..( wife/mom/gramdma/daughter/sister/friend..
That I want to be remembered as.
I can't help but fear, though..the coming time when pain outweighs everything again.
I know from repeated experience now..that I don't have that kind of courage that
What I consider to be my real self.can shine through what I become when pain dominates everything.
This is the first time in four years that I have felt anything like close to myself..
And..that's still under layers of meds and fatigue.
I LONG to alter who I have become in my families memory during this time..
Without knowing what time frame I have to do that in.
In case this is the last " remision" .
This is rambly...and more suited to a journal.
But..it goes toward explaining my being quieter ( besides my damned, random DS difficulties).
And..y'all are who I talk to about real stuff.
And, then...there's..how do you get out of the habits of pain avoidance?
If this disappears after I post it..it's because I feel it's kind of a senseless ramble.
Hugs.....jc
I will respond later but for now Please remember your heart will be remembered as it always is kind wonderful and loving and your spirit of love compassion and joy.
I have never known you before your pain and health problems but I can see through the anguish pain and sadness that under the blanket of ice and snow your loving spirit is as perennial as the grass.
I'm not in the stage of that illness to be worrying about dying.
i also have known your kindness and for that i am quite greatful
wishing you the very best
Michael
i also have known your kindness and for that i am quite greatful
wishing you the very best
Michael
i also have known your kindness and for that i am quite greatful
wishing you the very best
Michael
What I'm wondering is..
Do you feel you still have the ability to affect the way you'll be remembered in a positive way?
I don't mean for this to sound as gloomy as it does.
I just know I have a chance right now to try to remind people of who I was...am..
And...I don't want to lose whatever I gain in that area when the pain is bad again.
I'm going to have to think how to phrase this better..:-) :-)
I get what you are saying though. I don't know how to get rid of pain avoidance. After a long dance with pain our body and mind has learned to protect. It becomes imprinted.
You bring joy to us but you are allowed to be less positive when you are in pain.
I know you have cheered me several times when I was at the bottom and in the hole.
love and peace
hippy
PS. I am sorry for the loss of a friend that you have supported.
just can't say em right now.
i'll try later.
i love you Jc
PEACE
t
I know I'm struggling as I write this, but I just had to say, I love you. I would not know of you, be it not for circumstance. The dear friend who passed would not have had her life enriched by your nature and personality. Fear not, I just know your family will treasure every good memory of you....how could they not?
Just love and " I get it" x
they'll never think of it "as" you.
i really do have more.
tough one to write about.....but i'll get there.
and
i love you more than the last time i said it.
just keeps growin.
did i say i love you?
i love you
slobbersandslobbersof proof.
PEACE
t
I and many folks think of you as a kind loving sweet fun filled woman of passion and love who became a warrior called to arms to slay the beast of pain and suffering and defender of others.
This courageous warrior is not all that makes up JC . Those that know you also know your tender loving compassionate side as well . Even when you lay wounded we will all remember the lovely flowers you've sewn, the boo-boos you mended for us as well as the great battles you have fought. I believe you remind us everyday how wonderful you are just by being you.
I suppose dying in a glorious battle maybe more heroic and romantic then of old age in my sleep as I thought in my younger years. Now however I am selfish and want to see my children s' children grow and enjoy them.
I know there will be no mention of me in the history books. The only memories of me and any good deed that I have done will be in the minds of those who knew me. I guess my children and what I have given them though DNA and spirit will be my eternal life.
I'm sorry for the loss of your of your friend. I know the passing of some one we care about can make us think of our own frailties and wonder how we maybe perceived when we are gone.
You will be around a lot longer than me so let me know after I have gone what ya thought of me and said bad things about me at the wake..... so I can haunt them :-)
Your Magic...... Sweetness.... xoxox