Hi, 

I' am in a nearly 15 year relationship with my girlfriend.

A couple of months ago, my partner confessed she had been looking at pornography.. added extra, she wanted a penis to put in the mouths of the women she had been viewing.

I' am a 39 year old woman.. my partner is 33 and although this is not important to most.. it is to me as my psrtner has been viewing really sexy women aged between 19-23 with extreemly sey bodies in sexual acts rsnging from group sex, men + women and of course other sexy lesbians.

Its truly devastated me as I' am nearing menopause age, I' am 5 foot and a bit and over weight. My body image has been shattered in ways I can not begin to explain.

I know this must sound naieve but she is my first lesbian relatiinship (yes I kissed quite a few women in my bi curious days before her) but never anything other than that untill her.. I was hers.

I have only ever wanted my partner.. she to me has ruined intimate things like oral sex fir me as she has wstched countless sexy women online doin something I only have shared with her. Its devastated me.

My partner recently admitted to not finding me attractive as she has watched so much porn.. that confession came 15 minutes after I decided to be vulnerable and she had rampant sex with me thinking of those women.

She has also bullied me and insulted my breasts and vagina.

She controls me in many ways and if I look at the last 15 years they have been very isolating, controllong + lonely for me. 

She has shown no interest in me for 12 years except for bits + bibs gere and there. 

We had sex on the 5th of May for the first time in years and I cant help but feel I had the right to know of her sexy young women addiction. She had been looking at porn whilst across the room from me with out my knolwlege, whilst I cooked her dinner... when I was in bed etc.

I know that alit if people are ok with this (porn) but I'am not and it was a clear boundary from the start.

I honestly can not believe it. 

Please can someone offer advice.. I feel so lost in agony I din't know where to turn. I have no friends or family to turn to as have spent the last 15 years alone as she has jelousy issues.

Thanks in advance for any advice or support.

Ararekindoflady