I have been in love with my girl friend/best friend for on and off for over 8 years now. She has really been my world. She has been my best friend since day one that we met and 2 years after we met we were with each other. We tried to date well lets say I tried to date her but I have not always been the best girl friend in the world. It took me 8 years to listen to finally listen to my heart however I have her hurt so many times in the past years.
I wasnt always sure if I was a lesbian, bisexual or just knew it all felt right with her. She is the only girl I have ever had these feelings for so it was hard for me. I would leave her for men and then when that would end with them I would go back with her. Or while single or with a guy I would tell her how much I loved her, missed her and wanted to be with her. I wasnt lying but I knew what I was doing to her was wrong. I have finaly told myself that she is the one I want to be with. She is all I think about when I plan out my future and who I wish to have children with. She has never gave up on me or loved me any less.
We have been fully together since June and I have not been happier. I came out to my mother and my sisters. They love me and have accepted me for who I am and who I wish to be with. I feel they are struggling with it which I understand but they have not given up on me.
I just dont know if I am the right one for her. Now that we are together she acts a little different. I mean she still tells me she loves me and we have been planing on the whole family thing together but its like the spark is gone. She doesnt fully trust me (WHICH I FULLY UNDERSTAND) and I dont expect her to but I am scared she will never trust me that she is who I wish to be with.
I worry that she doesnt love me anymore or doesnt really want to be with me. I worry that she will find someone skinner than I am. ( I have struggled with my weight for years) I get a strange vibe sometimes that she just wishes she was somewhere else other than in the same room with me.
I know I worry a lot but when I talk to her about this she just giggles and tells me I am crazy that she loves me and wants to be with me. I feel I have messed up her life because of how much I have hurt her and our trust. How do I really know I am the right one for her?