Hi, my name is Sam, and I have wasted a life that was born in the truth and now, I am recovering from sexual abuse, and physical abuse at the hands of my siblings and my parents.

I am struggling with an elder body that did not understand and disfellowshipped a young boy of 15 that was acting out from the abuse at age six. I was physically beaten by a drunken father and a controlling mother until I was kicked out at the age of 16 or 17.
I was reinstated when I was about 19, and fell away again, being overwhelmed with shame.

I married a beautiful girl at where I worked. She was initially interested in the truth, and as our love developed so did Jehovah draw her heart. She is my wife and sister today, 22 years later.

I am really wearing her down, however, I have not been regular in meeting attendance in four years, depressed and PTSD have had a terrific hold on me. I lost my business and foreclosed my house, and bankrupt. I want to go back to the meetings, but I feel betrayed by Jehovah, and the elders, and by the organization for not being aware of the heart break and rejection of a young abused boy.

I need to talk this out, with a goal to getting back into regular meeting attendance and supporting the ministry. I have never let my two boys know anything else but Jehovah, and I will make sure they are in the truth when they leave me, at all costs.

I suffer from panic attacks daily, anxiety, psychosomatic disorders, sexual, physical and emotional abuse, and overwhelming fear of abandonment, rejection and failure... I am considering applying for SSI, but I am reluctant.

So, a little discombobulated, but, well, take what you wish.., and help me, please.

Sam