Have you ever talked with him about it at all? When we went through it, I was the one dragging my feet, not my DH. I would say the sooner you approach him about it, the better. You don't necessarily have to tell him all that you have already done since he may very well get upset that you did it without his knowledge. I am assuming that trying with your own eggs is out of the question, so letting him know this is the only way (other than adoption), would be a way to bring it up.

Since you have already found a donor, it appears that you need to tell him sooner, rather than later. Good luck!

Like mbkw, I was the one dragging my feet about using a donor. As a matter of fact, I was completely opposed to it and it made me physically ill and upset when I thought about it. It took me some time to get over myself :) Ultimately, I realized that by using a donor, I was providing my husband the opportunity to have a biological child. That was something I was pissed at the world for depriving me of, and I realized that I should not do that to him. So, really, the way I was looking at it while going through all of that (unsure of what would happen, having had multiple miscarriages and surgeries, etc) was that it was almost selfless on my part. Lots of sacrifices so that he could have a biological child. [Of course now it doesn't matter because our DE twins are every bit mine as they are his :) ] So I guess what I am suggesting is that you might approach him by saying that you are trying to give him something you yourself could not have. You may be surprised by his reaction, that it may be more positive than you expect. Good luck!

Oops! I used the word "biological" when I meant "genetic." My twins are biologically mine, but not genetically. Pardon the mistake. :)

I've been through the same thing with my boyfriend. It took him awhile to warm up to ivf and now it's taking awhile to warm up to donor egg. He wants a baby with me....just as your husband wants a child with you, I explained to him that in perfect world the baby would be from my egg, but after all of our losses what's important to me is being a mom. And if I had to chose between having a child that doesn't have the shape of my eyes or not being a mom at all, I'm okay with using a donor egg. What's important and makes you parents are the experiences you will have raising that child together. Not the shape of an earlobe.

If your husband is more scientific, here is a link to a great article about epigenetics. It basically explains that even though there isn't a genetic link, you will have an influence on your future child.

http://eggdonorsblog.giftovlife.com/epigenetics

This paragraph sums it up.... Maybe let your hubby read the article

""A baby conceived using a donor egg (roughly the size of a full stop) gets his/her genes from the donor; she gets the “instructions” on the expression of those genes from the woman who carries him/her to term.
This means that a baby conceived using donor egg has 3 biological parents: a father, the egg donor and the woman that carries the pregnancy. The child who is born would have been physically & no doubt emotionally different had another woman carried that child. In other words the birth mother influences what the child is like at a genetic level – it IS her child. She has had a “say” in her offspring as does the donated egg and the sperm used to fertilized."

Ladies, thank you all for the great advise!!! I will be talking to DH very soon, I just hope he's ok with the situation. I am just having a hard time on how to even start!!! Yikes, kinda nervous about it! I will keep you guys posted!

At first my DH said no way to using DE. Then after our consultation appt with RE and by seeing and hearing and knowing how much I want to be a mom, he feels ok with it. Of course none of our preference but after weighing all factors he and I both know its the best option for our circumstances. Also it helps when my DH hears things from professionals vs just me. So I think just hearing the odds of using my eggs vs DE made my DH realize more.

Good luck!

Me2007 - I hope your DH has come around! I believe you said you already picked a donor...