Hi there, luv. No accurate answers for you, I've never been in your very shoes. Just wanted to share my story for you to know you aren't alone.
First, let me say I’m so sorry for what you’re feeling!! With that said, you should make sure not to let yourself get dragged down by treatments right now. Otherwise the negativity will wear you down. You have people who need you. And the reality is, this might be your only chance to experience life with a newborn. Don't let that pass you by because you are wrapped up in something that you do not have any control over. Also, it seems like you have a lot of stress due to some unresolved issues.. As hard as it is, a calm and optimistic demeanor would be more beneficial to your whole little family. We're currently in our surrogacy trip for baby#1. Using own egg + dh's swimmers just like previous time. But this time placing 5day embies into surro's womb. I cannot say I was feeling too optimistic, but being kind to yourself is a priority. Our surro's prego! All of these things are easier said than done. I know. but it will make whatever cycle more bearable and easier to deal with. Sending peaceful thoughts to you. hugs x