Infertility, Secondary Support Group
"Secondary infertility" is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived and carried a normal pregnancy. Apart from various medical conditions (e.g. hormonal), this may come as a result of age and stress felt to provide a sibling for their first child.
Hi,
My husband and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and have been trying have baby #2 for 2 1/2 years now. I thought maybe connecting with other people that are going through the same thing it might help me. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and I have nobody to turn to. My husband does the best that he can but he's not going through it the same way I am. A little back story, we had some trouble conceiving our daughter. After a year of trying on our own we ended up having to get help from a fertility specialist but after 6 months we got pregnant.
Now fast forward to present day, we've been trying for 2 1/2 years (2 years with the fertility specialist), 2 miscarriages, discovered that I had a uterine defect that most likely caused those miscarriages and had it fixed and now it's been 6 months since having that surgery and we're still not pregnant. So far all we've done is IUI and now we've actually broken down and considered IVF. All the doctor's are telling us that it's our best bet even though our daughter was conceived with IUI. I think the worst part is all the waiting. The last miscarriage happened around this time last year and it went on forever. Little did I know it was because I had an incomplete miscarriage due to the defect. So since a year ago we have been able to try only once. We finally made an appt for an IVF consultation for the end of this month. Last month we thought we would give IUI one more try but we ended up cancelling the cycle because I had hyperstimulation and had too many follicles. Now I'm waiting for my next cycle to start again so we can give it another go before IVF. I feel like my body is working against me.
I do my best to keep going, stay positive, and not let every little set back crush me but it's so hard. Everytime I hear about someone I know getting pregnant it breaks my heart. I so want to be happy for them but it's so hard. Anyways, that's my story. Thanks for listening!!
I started thinking, if I have a second baby, will I stop feeling that sadness? Yes, I believe so. In some way then, I know it will pass in time, when there is more to be grateful for, more time to take in happiness. Not being able to get what you are so desperate for is hard and its harder to see those who get pregnant so easily not relish it, as you KNOW you would. Maybe like waiting for an organ donation, and seeing people get drunk for fun while your liver is failing. I think its worse when its not your doing also, you had no choice in it.
I feel like my life is on hold. And when I tell people and they say "oh, I know it will work this time!" I want to scream at them - "No, no you dont!"
IVF is hard. Giving yourself shots isnt that hard actually, its the waiting, the worring, the timing, the re-scheduling because the stars arent aligned, the just-in-cases, the maybies, the buisness of it all. It takes the joy out of it and makes it an all-consuming obsession! It can also lead to medical problems for you, the woman. Lasting. Something your partner will never fully "get".
We, or more-so I, decided no more after this one. Im finally at a point where I want to get back to my life and be normal again. Stop worring and waiting. Start enjoying my small child, my precious little child.
I hope you come to peace, whatever you decide to do. Dont have regrets but also dont become obsessed. There is always someone who has it harder than you, that is one thing that has hit me on this journey. Try to remember to be thankful for what you do have while you go through this all, dont let it consume what you already love.