Infertility, Secondary Support Group

"Secondary infertility" is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived and carried a normal pregnancy. Apart from various medical conditions (e.g. hormonal), this may come as a result of age and stress felt to provide a sibling for their first child.

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Cyncognito 09/03/2008

So today is the first day of kindergarten for my one and only child. My beautiful baby boy is now in school full time; I'm so happy he loved it and did so well today, but I am feeling such a sense of loss over this. Partly because I think my time with him as a baby and toddler is over, and also because I feel like he was my last chance with babyhood. Is that weird? And of course it is during my 2ww, with my Beta scheduled for tomorrow, and low and behold some cosmic force decides that it's going to really make my day even more challenging by having AF arrive! I am on progesterone so I thought I wasn't supposed to even see AF until if and when my Beta came back neg and I stopped the progesterone. So on top of crying all day about my baby going to Kindergarten, my chance of potentially being pregnant again is gone for another month, and ladies I am NOT getting any younger here! Sometimes it is so hard to maintain my hope and optimism, when all I can see are my dreams slipping away . . .

deleted_user 09/05/2008

I was in your shoes last year when my little guy started kindergarten. It really does stink to feel like those baby days are over and you may not get another chance. If you need to talk I am here to listen.

deleted_user 09/05/2008

That is a tough day! The loss is real. There really aren't words to make it better. Just know you aren't alone. Take care.

deleted_user 09/06/2008

I hear you and ...it is really heartbreaking---I am sorry!

deleted_user 09/07/2008

I know exactly how you feel. When my only child started Kindergarten last year, I had just had a miscarriage. I was so emotional, depressed, sad. Fortunately this year was much better and I have been able to enjoy the moments with her, because truthfully being sad about her growing up isn't going to help me have another child, as much as I would like one. I too am here if you need to talk

deleted_user 09/08/2008

I'm in a similar place, even though my daughter is just starting pre-school today. I feel like she's so big and adult and hardly ever wants to cuddle and just be a baby. Plus, my dream about having kids being close in age to be close friends is slipping away, which makes me very sad.

Cyncognito 09/16/2008

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I am plugging along trying to enjoy these years with my son, appreciating them as much as I can. My son is like 10 kids wrapped up in one, and has really been challenging these past 2 weeks of kindergarten so that has kept my mind off of my worries.

deleted_user 09/24/2008

Two biggies in one week is definitely a lot to handle. I know it's a cliche but I try to distract myself. I run or dance, or ride horse. It seems to help.
My daughter started 3rd grade this year. She now comes to the nipple line (I'm 5'9). While it thrills me to experience her growth and maturation we've been praying for an addition to the family for oh, three +years. I found an old journal a couple of weeks ago from 2004- Goal one was have another baby. I wasn't even married then, but I still wanted another child.
There was a time when my husband and I were together not yet married that I thought I was pregnant. I had a premonition of sorts, after I found out I wasn't pg, that I may have trouble getting pregnant. Go figure...
Lots of love and prayers to you cyn!

deleted_user 09/29/2008

My daughter started Kindy a couple of months ago. I'm in New Zealand so Kindgarten is set up a little differently. She's three & a half & goes three times a week for two hour afternoon sessions. Still, it was a milestone and although I do enjoy the time to myself, I have a little bit of an empty-nest feeling going on given my chances of another biological child are so very sire. So I hear you! I too am working on making the most of the time we have. Trouble is I feel like I've been grieving for another child for two years of her life.

deleted_user 09/29/2008

I meant to say another biological child is so very dire....

deleted_user 11/14/2008

That is a seriously bad day. My daughter just started kindergarten this year and I feel very similar. What makes it worse is all the other parents who ask if she has any siblings and why not.

deleted_user 11/15/2008

I'm so sorry about your bad day. I feel that way with my son too! I feel that every month that goes by he just gets that much older than a future sibling. I too grieve for the baby years I may never have again. When I see my son doing things that are so grown up, there is a part of me that is proud of him and a part of me that's sad because he will never be little again. I try to just focus on the proud/happy part and be happy for him. I don't think you're weird at all. There is always hope! Hang in there.

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