Incest Survivors Community Group
This group was created before there was an actual support group on this site for incest survivors. Most people are already comfortable here, feel free to add your thoughts, questions, and opinions. I'm here for anyone that needs me. -metalheadlxlxl
Hi, I'm new to this group. I've been trying to find support for an issue that I've just started to deal with. I don't know if this is the right forum though.
I had a highly dysfunctional relationship with my mother. I lived with her for many years. I suffered and still deal with depression. For years all I focused on in therapy was the physical and emotional abuse I suffered from my brother. By chance I started to discuss my gender identity issues with my therapist I told her some of my experiences with my mother. 1 whenever I wore shorts, she would make me come over. She had me turn around then she would make inappropriate comments about how nice they looked. Saying I had the legs of a woman. She also said that I got my legs from her. It made me very uncomfortable, so much so that I stopped wearing shorts altogether. 2 The foot rubs.. I once gave my mother a foot rub because she was complaining about her feet. After that, I couldn't sit down next to her without her asking me to rub her feet. Sometimes these sessions would last for an hour. I now suspect that she was getting more from these rubs than just pain relief. 3 Inappropriate kissing... My mother sometimes had me kiss her on the lips. Now that may be ok if you are 5, but when you are an adult, it always made me feel uncomfortable.
I know that this is not actual sexual abuse but I was hoping that maybe I could find some people who understand where I'm coming from. I should say that I am an adult male.
I had a highly dysfunctional relationship with my mother. I lived with her for many years. I suffered and still deal with depression. For years all I focused on in therapy was the physical and emotional abuse I suffered from my brother. By chance I started to discuss my gender identity issues with my therapist I told her some of my experiences with my mother. 1 whenever I wore shorts, she would make me come over. She had me turn around then she would make inappropriate comments about how nice they looked. Saying I had the legs of a woman. She also said that I got my legs from her. It made me very uncomfortable, so much so that I stopped wearing shorts altogether. 2 The foot rubs.. I once gave my mother a foot rub because she was complaining about her feet. After that, I couldn't sit down next to her without her asking me to rub her feet. Sometimes these sessions would last for an hour. I now suspect that she was getting more from these rubs than just pain relief. 3 Inappropriate kissing... My mother sometimes had me kiss her on the lips. Now that may be ok if you are 5, but when you are an adult, it always made me feel uncomfortable.
I know that this is not actual sexual abuse but I was hoping that maybe I could find some people who understand where I'm coming from. I should say that I am an adult male.
Honestly the lines get so fuzzy between covert sexualabuse and inappropriate contact that personally I feel if you sensed it was inappropriate sexually charged energy and you were beig touched in ways youdidnt want to be touched its abusive and it is traumatizing and it is just plain wrong!
Moms arent supposed to get special feel goods from their kids. Theres a naturally happiness glow in having pride in raising a child or comfort of being close or hugging but personally I feel lots of moms take this too far and try to subtley fulfill their own desires,needs, etc. which is totally sexual abuse!
Im female and I was sexually abused by my mom at a young age. it was very fuzzy memories and I think she was on drugs too and didnt remember. When I got older it turned into inappropriate touching, excessive need for closeness and wanting to cuddle and spoom with me, even forcing me when I didnt want contact, and generally not letting me have boundaries with my body.
So it wasnt persay secual abuse at that point... but it felt violating and wrong and made me have serious body issues, similar to sexual abuse. (having the perpetrator flash into your mind when your alone with your body amd feel grossed out by your own skin)
I'm sorry your mom subjected you to such uncomfortable experienves, especially when youre already going through so much! It must have been a trigger too and just creepy. Moms should be a safe person and unfortunately a lot of moms are just ... I dunno kinda f***ed up.
Hope your recovery goes well. and that my words provided some validation to your situation.
Happy healing to you