Last weekend, when i as alone during the day of the saturday, i made a risotto, was enough for about 2.5 people. But i was alone, and feeling lonely and bored. This causes me to feel guilty, since i have a partner and we live together, and he is only a room away. This mix of guilt, loneliness and boredom, always seems to trigger a binge. If he was in the same room, it would not have happened. But he was in the study, so i sneaked into the kitchen and took more TWICE! And i really do mean sneak. I walked quietly and took more trying to to make the kitchen stuff scrape against each other.
Trigger is that i am no longer comfortable being alone anymore. I used to be Fine being alone and doing my own stuff on the weekend. When did this change, when i went to Russia. I spent 8 months there, working 28 days straight in a totally isolated camp, with only russians. I had no one to talk to, the food was horrible, and i would fantasies about what i would eat at the end of the 28 days. During the 28 day i would lose 4-5 kg, then go home and gain back 3-4 kg. Yep my new binge cycle. Have now been back to normal work for almost 8 months and i am struggling with food more then i have ever done. In Russia i was hungry and bored and Sooo lonely all the time.
Now when i am home again, when i feel like that i panic, and seek comfort in food. The feeling of being home and in control.
So there it is another trigger being alone/bored. What does the binge give me, comfort and security i am home again. So whats my plan of attack. I think i will figure out a mantra to say when i feel like this. Something about being home, and being okay. When i come up with a good one, i'll post it!