My mental state has been quickly been spiraling downward and there's a lot of long stories to tell there but the most concerning thing right now is my hearing. I've always had really good hearing, I can hear a whispers from the other side of a large room and that makes it difficult for my kids to get anything passed me. But it has it's major downsides too. I can't sleep, the slightest sound wakes me up and the days that every sound just feels like a sonic boom echoing against my skull are increasing fast. I just want quiet- silence. The migraines I get from these are getting worse too, though I've always been prone to migraines, I've been in the hospital twice for them over the past few months and the medicine isn't helping.
I just want everything to stop. I can't stand being around my own kids because they're just too loud and I'm tired of trying to make excuses when they ask me if I'm okay because they can see that I'm in pain. My husband thinks I'm just exaggerating and I'm a stay at home mom so it's not like I can just leave to find somewhere quiet. Even if I could there's nowhere I could go. The chirping birds, the cars, the wind, voices everywhere, I can't escape.
I often find myself wanting to reach for the pliers or maybe a screwdriver would do. I want to dig out everything in my ears to make the sound go away. I don't think these things because I want to hurt myself it's just SO F***ING LOUD. All I want is some silence but I can never get it and I don't know what to do. In all honesty I wouldn't mind being heard of hearing or even deaf, if there were a safe way to do it I wouldn't hesitate but doctors won't do such a thing. There are things I would miss hearing but in the end there wasn't a deal breaker I could think of.
My husband won't help me and all the therapist's offices are too far away from where I live I couldn't make a trip every week not to mention trying to schedule around my husband's work and the kids. I have no one to help me and I don't know what to do. Someone please help me.
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