HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

373 Members

1,289 Posts

0 Online

handg 07/23/2017

For the first time since my husband passed(4.5 years ago) , over a period of time I found myself being intrigued and then possibly develop feelings towards another man. There is just something about him that makes me smile and feel content being around him. I felt a vibe coming from him as well and was not sure if this mutual. We have only ever met in a group setting and over a period of over one year we just started clicking. I did ask finally and found out that he is married so that's that as I would not cross any line when it comes to a married man . It did need to be adressed and there was the one phone call where we both owned up to having something more then friendship but we both have too much integrity to act on it. He did say that his life is a mess but that's for him to figure out and I am very guarded with my feelings and my emotions. It sucks but values and integrity wins here and life goes on as usual.

It does shoes me that I can have feelings in a different manner and who knows where life will take me. Not in the arms of a married man that one I know as I have been the one cheated on by earlier fiancés prior to meeting my husband and I would not do that to anyone else.

I did however needed to share and not be judged for having these feelings.

Veronica77 07/24/2017

So sorry that you met someone that is not available. That is harsh! Getting involved with a married man would cause more problems than it would be worth. (((Gentle hugs)))

handg 07/24/2017

Thank you ❤

regwin 07/30/2017

So you both enjoyed a bit of flirting. No Harm done. You know exactly how you don't want things to be. Good for you.
There are people who are available. Just open your mind and heart to meeting a nice person whose company you are free to enjoy. Best of Luck. You deserve happiness. Dolores

cgriff4ever 08/07/2017

That special someone will come when least expected. We deserve to continue to live. Your husband would want you to love again. He would want someone to love you too!!! Open your heart, and just smile. What your husband saw in you, is bound to be seen by someone else. much love and big hugs carla

shewearsblack17 12/23/2017

I hope you meet someone soon, and I hope I do also. I am not sure just how to go about finding another good man, but I do pray about it. I need someone to walk me through the PTSD and be very understanding and patient. It would be so therapeutic to have a special man, if he was only a friend right now. I think I ran off the first man I was attracted to, but there should be more out there. Men who are not stuck on themselves. I don't want someone else's husband though, and i can't pray for their wives to die either. I think good men are simply scarce.

handg 12/31/2017

Thank You, turns out that my saying "No Thank You" was not taken at face value and it turned into harassment! To the point that an incident report has been filed with the local police and they had a talk with him. The frustrating part is that he is not technically doing anything illegal while I have had to change my life in order to avoid the jerk. He also went through my friends list on Facebook before I realized to change my settings and sent friends requests to everyone in hope of having access to my pictures and such. Then even after I had yelled at him to leave me alone, he still sent me a friend's request!
His personality has changed, he drinks more and gets angry but again is not doing anything illegal!
Being on my guards and doing with out certain social entertainment sucks but is worth my safety!

raininseattle 01/13/2018

Sorry to hear about that. You are wise for leaving this guy alone. It seems like his mind is not in the right place when he still has a family to take care of. Does his wife know about all of this?

handg 01/13/2018

I don't think his wife knows as I have not said anything but who knows.

shewearsblack17 03/20/2018

That would be a bad deal to find out a man you were attracted to is married. The last one who caught my eye was a visitor at my church, and I couldn't get close enough to see if he was wearing a ring. Then, next thing I knew, he had been transferred to PA on his job. In my circle, you don't ask nor tell.

trinilisa 01/14/2019

Handg,
I am so glad that you felt that you were finally able to possible find happiness again after your loss. I lost my husband at 31, 11 years ago this coming March. Though this one did not work out, I feel proud (even though I do not know you) in a way, that you have allowed yourself to feel deserving of happiness again (we are all deserving of that). Hope you have a great day, and hugs to you all...xo

pattirose731 01/14/2019

Good for you! It took me 6 years to start to think I wanted to be in love again. So I joined some dating websites and met a few in my age range, but no real dates because they were not right for me. Then just as I was ready to give up, I signed up again and met the man of my dreams. We've been together nearly two years, and we got engaged last fall. He is also a widower. So, be encouraged that you have interest again, and be patient. It will happen.

shewearsblack17 01/16/2019

I want my hand to quit hurting before I start a courtship. The only ones holding my hand now are my physical therapists. I probably need to take care of a few more things before beginning a new relationship, but if someone comes along, he can help me. It will be like playing checkers or chess; I can't afford to make any wrong moves. I just keep praying for whoever it is to find me - or vice versa.

StormyTexas 01/21/2019

I hope it won’t take me 6 years to try to date again. It’s been a year and a few months. I can’t even think about it now. But hopefully same day!

Join the Conversation