HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

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mel40 11/11/2013

In trying to discover myself I have uncovered some weird traditional side of me that I didn't realize was there..... And an emotional component to this "new relationship" that could walk me right into some undesirable behaviors. Every morning, the new guy sends me an email... except for the last 3 mornings. This morning, I was very hurt by that fact and started devising a plan to "handle" this. Basically, I shut down and it has bothered me all day. I don't like this. I've been doing some soul searching today and haven't found any answers, so I thought I would come here. WHile we are at giving me your thoughts and advice, take this. We Skype every weekend. He tells me to let him know what time to be available and he will wait for me to call. I do. But, it is starting to bother me that it is always me to make the call. Stupid, I know. Why can't I just say, Hey, this bothers me... UGH!

papagena 11/11/2013

Just ask him why it has always to be you calling him. No harm in that. Maybe it has to do with the time difference. He does not want to disturb you when you are sleeping. Just a thought. I know I find it difficult to keep track of the time difference as my daughters may be, at times, in different continents and I prefer they call me or Skype me when it is convenient to them. It can be some form of civility on his part.

mel40 11/11/2013

Thanks! I keep waiting for this to fall apart because I never in my wildest dreams would have " planned" this. At the same time, I am surprised by the feelings I have. I've only met him online! And he lives in another country and its going slow. Maybe that explains the feelings. It's just weird. Just weird. It wouldn't bother me with anyone else... He has a different effect on me than anybody else. It's nice and I am at a loss at the same time about how to act. Learning curve? Lol!

russ1153 11/11/2013

Explain to him how you feel about this. All of this is new again for all of us, so I'm not surprised your having all of these mixed emotions. None of us would be doing any of this if we weren't forced. I would enjoy the good feelings you have but be open and honest with him. Enjoy it for what it is, if it doesn't work out maybe you still have found a friend that understands what you have gone through.

Best wishes,
Russ

deleted_user 11/12/2013

Well I suppose you could look at this a few ways. One would be the feeling of attachment. Wonder if he felt like things were moving faster than he wanted. Another would be for you to take a stand and be open about what you are thinking. If you already have a red flag per se then that is something you may need to have answered before you continue any further. Maybe a thought would be to limit your communication to see if this was meant to be. Guess I am old school. Something about setting the bird free and if it comes back then maybe it was meant to be. Just a thought. I am sure you will figure it all out.

mel40 11/12/2013

Great thoughts. It was the time thing.

jewells1 11/13/2013

On LTD commodities site I seen a three clock set up....just for this type of thing. So right next to your current time clock is a current time clock for a loved one over seas. I am no good at counting time zones, so this would also help for business contact in say New york and Hawaii.
You could do this on you own and skype him your clocks. Then setting times for contact may make more sense.

Just a thought, but a quick visual reminder.
I hope all is well.

jblail 11/24/2013

My computer has a setting for 2 clocks on it we set one for us and one for my son wherever he was when he was in the Army that way we always knew what time it was so as not to wake him up or get him on duty time. Just an idea. Best to you
Jeff

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