HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Community Group

We are a group of people who have grieved the loss of a spouse, partner, or lover and are searching for a life without our mate. Some looking for their own identity as an individual or finding a life for themself. Some looking for companionship or a serious relationship with someone new. And some just feeling lost and unsure. We offer encouragement, support and virtual...

373 Members
1,289 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ HOPEFUL HEARTS...LIVING AGAIN AFTER THE LOSS Support Group

Throwing my hope in the wind......in emails!

prtlycloudy
prtlycloudy
I guess you could say that this was a small attempt of putting my hope out there.........As I have been emailing since July with a friend/co-worker from way back when, I popped the question to try and meet up with him. We are miles apart, but not that many. I asked what he thought of meeting up and if not ok with it, that was fine but to be honest about it. The answer, via email (that's the main way we converse) was disappointing to hear that emails are what was comfortable for him right now and wants to continue sharing our day to day life that way. (he has been widowed longer than I). The statement of "perhaps if visiting in each others towns, we could meet, but emailing is the best for now", has made me think twice about even attempting to reach out to get acquainted with the opposite sex! Is it rejection or is it that one has been so out of it for so long, it's harder to bounce back?
My hopes probably got the best of me and I won't ever explain that to him.....too embarrassed!
Oh well, life goes on and I suppose they will eventually burn themselves out or as he put it ,"perhaps" things will change.
I am just like those of you that were married for so many years and miss that thing called love that lets us share companionship, hope and a best friend that we lived with every day our spouses were alive. I am at 2 yrs now, and I keep hoping that I will get out there more (where?), but it just hasn't happened. I will keep my chin up for now, and keep practicing my emailing/writing skills....for a while longer anyway.....we'll see!
Thanks for reading my ramble....best to all of you with your new found love or your soon to meet next date.
Kate
loveandgrace
loveandgrace
Kate,
Congratulate yourself for putting yourself out there! Perhaps your friend just needs time to think about it a bit longer. Or perhaps you are, as you said, getting practice for the person who will be happy and honored to meet up with you. Don't give up, and don't let this one experience discourage you. Just stay open to love, and it will find you! Hugs, Amy
limasc
limasc
Do not let this discourage you. Now that he has a hint of what you want he may be thinking more about it. Perhaps since he has been a widower longer that he thinks you aren't ready and is waiting until you are. How much do you share with each other? Do you tell him how much you are still hurting? I became very good friends with my late husband's friend after he passed. We were close for over a year and I developed feelings for him. It finally came out that he felt the same but he had been waiting until HE though I was ready. He didn't want to push me or make me hurt anymore. I told him I felt I was ready and now we have been together for 6 months. Good luck to you with this guy or whoever may cross your path.
prtlycloudy
prtlycloudy
Thanks you 2 for the replies back. I will continue with how things are for now. We have compared notes of the hurt involved with loss, but nothing extreme. His early retirement may have alot to do with things, since worried about economy right now as well as doing other activities that he couldn't do if working.
Time will tell...as we say in widow world!
Good luck to you both and thanks again!
bostonjules
bostonjules
Ah, the timing thing...he can email, but he can't meet up in real time. You can email, and can meet in real time..I'd say that you are doing really well! I feel bad for the guy, he's obviously missing out on a possible wonderful real time friend who could maybe possibly become more down the road! I wonder if he is able to have real time friends, or if his dance card is full. He obviously enjoys your emails, so I don't think you need to practice at all.

I'd tell him that it's really ok, and if he's in the area, to give you a call or an email for coffee. You can't push a rope uphill, can you? He may be suffering from the push/pull thing we all have....it's such a long road back for all of us, isn't it? You put yourself out there - Way to go!
bostonjules
bostonjules
Ah, the timing thing...he can email, but he can't meet up in real time. You can email, and can meet in real time..I'd say that you are doing really well! I feel bad for the guy, he's obviously missing out on a possible wonderful real time friend who could maybe possibly become more down the road! I wonder if he is able to have real time friends, or if his dance card is full. He obviously enjoys your emails, so I don't think you need to practice at all.

I'd tell him that it's really ok, and if he's in the area, to give you a call or an email for coffee. You can't push a rope uphill, can you? He may be suffering from the push/pull thing we all have....it's such a long road back for all of us, isn't it? You put yourself out there - Way to go!
deleted_user
deleted_user
No. ropes do not push well uphill. I tried that and it just ends in embarrassment. Blush! Don't be hard on yourself or discouraged nor take any of it as a personal rejection. I would keep in contact with him as long as he is enjoying the e-mails but I would be cautious and would not be expecting anything from this one particular fellow. Keep reaching out to others. One of these time you will find somebody that is at the same place that you are.