Great post Mel. Though I wonder if the question should not be "Do you want to be" , to maybe " Are you ready to be?" I want to be happy, and like you I have learned how important relationships, family and friends are to my life. I have been very social in my meet-up groups, have traveled and done so much. I have enjoyed all of it but yet I would have to say I'm not truly happy. I know I am still tied to the past, but I don't think I will ever let it go, it's too much a part of me. I would love to have someone special in my life again and I have met so many amazing women. But I rarely feel much of anything for anyone, which tells me I'm still not ready. And unlike you I am running out of time as I just hit 65 this year, but you can't force it, everything has to come naturally. If my life stays as it is I will feel content, but not truly happy.
Russ

Happy but just differently. I think we lose a lot of innocence when you lose a spouse. Bonnie

In light of the things that happened to you recently, I'm happy you are looking ahead with confidence Mel. Both your question and Russ's are good ones. Our loss and this new life we find ourselves in often have us trying to look both ways at the same, past and future. We know we must move forward. We have no choice but to. The feelings we have about our past can make that moving forward uncomfortable. We know it so well. We were safe and happy there. It's where we learned what "happy" is. It's very easy to keep ourselves tied to it, like an anchor. In reality it's not something separate that we must connect to. It's within in us. We don't need to look back to find happiness, we carry it with us as we move forward. That frees us to see it in new situations, new activities and new love if that's what we want. Pretty sure Mel that everyone here would answer your question "Yes, I want to be happy". The answer to your question Russ is something each of usmust answer in our own time. It's a matter of attitude and direction though. When we ask "Are you ready?" do we do it while looking back, chained to our past or do we ask that while looking forward, carrying those lessons and memories with us, supporting us as we live this new life? It will require us to open our hearts and yes, take some risks but isn't our happiness worth taking a chance on? I recently found myself feeling very close to someone I'd become friends with. I found myself asking the question "Why not take a chance?", so I did and she took a chance on me too. Happiness blossomed. There was the possibility that it wouldn't but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Nothing is possible if you don't try.
~John

In 2 weeks I hit the 3 year mark. I look forward to Spring. I just can't wait!!!!... I am happy being on my own. I don't think I want a man in my life anymore. Old age? lol... Sandee

is 'happiness' always connected with connecting with another love? I think not. Its been always within ourselves in my opinion.

rochelle1466
You bring up a good point, and your right it should be within us, and not someone else to make us happy. But I feel incomplete as if there is a void in my life. I don't think my wife made me happy, but being with her did. So it wasn't the person that made me happy but that feeling of having someone special you can count on that did, Not sure if this makes sense, but like so much of this, it is sometimes hard to put our thoughts into words.

Russ

Russ, you are correct. Yes of course our spouse's made us feel complete. But I'm like you as much as I miss my Tim, I miss the companionship. I am moving forward and very happy with myself, but I thrive on being a WE.
Hugs, Sandi

Thanks for the post Mel. Great discussion. I was starting to feel this way too, very hopeful, looking forward to the new year and knowing my winter was turning out 100x better without the usual slide into depression. Then met someone over the holiday. I keep trying to decipher if he is the source of my current happiness or I was already there or what. I do think I will quit doing that though, this train has left the station and I'm on board for better or worse.
Hugs,
Jean

I think its missing being the WE we once were. The trick is each relationship is so diffierent. The next love is not well, not for me like my marriage and I love being with him. I also love living alone. I, for lots of reasons (money is a huge one) dont look for marriage. I do enjoy the person I count on and call on when I feel down but also I have learned to soothe myself and treat my heart differently these days. I dont want to be so dependent upon him for my happiness

This is a great discussion. I am happy in my life. I think we do have to find our happiness and being in a relationship isn't a cure for your happiness. However, I think we were made to give and receive love and the deepest and best way to do that, for me, is in a relationship. I know I will not find someone as wonderful as my husband was and that's ok. I can keep busy and attend social activities all I want but at the end of the day what I want the most is someone there for me and me for him.