Starting with a friendship is the way I went and don't rush things. The uncomfortable feeling is normal. Remember you are doing nothing wrong and your spouse wants you to be happy. You are fulfilling her wishes and honoring the love you shared with her by paying it forward. I wish you well however things work out. Sharon

oh I can so relate I sorta see someone and am so scared . every thing feels different and is different. feels unfamiliar to me. I like to feel safe and comfortable, the way it was for 40 years. now I am out of my comfort zone and somehow need to make a new comfort zone. so far not working so well LOL WE WILL ALL GET THERE!!!SOMEDAY........ hugs gayle

Russ,
It has been 16 months since I lost my wife of 50 years. By pure accident, I met a woman who moved into our building (I live in a high-rise condo) about 4 months ago. We ran into each other on the elevator, taking our dogs out for a walk. I have to admit that there was a little "spark" between us at that first meeting, and we started walking our dogs together several times a week. We go to lunch together from time-to-time, and dinner on occasion. Our building is located on a lake, and sometimes we walk together, or simply sit on one of the benches overlooking the lake and talk.
We do not consider ourselves to be "girlfriend" or "boyfriend", somehow that seems just a little silly at our age. Neither do we consider our times together "dates". At this point, we are great friends who enjoy doing things together. We are very comfortable together, and just simply enjoy each other.
We are taking our time to get to know each other, and enjoying every minute of it. We both like each other, a lot ... but there is no rush. to "move on" to something more serious. Sometimes it's more about the journey that the destination.
I miss my wife very much, and I will always lover her. But I am finding that there is still room in my heart for the right "someone" ... and I know that is what my wife would want. My friend and I were talking about my feelings for my wife one day, and she said something that makes a lot of sense to me. She said, "when you have a second child, you do not love the first one any less. The love you have for the second child does not diminish your love for the first., because the heart is truly capable of unlimited love." I am finding that to be true.
My advice is that you not "over-think" things. Just be the person that you are, and follow your heart. It is capable of far more than you may think. Some day that elevator door will open, and you will feel that "spark".
My wife's last words to me were, "John, just be who you have always been,... and don't be afraid." And that has been the best advise that anyone has ever given me.

Thanks John very wise advise.
Russ

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Fear will keep you from being who you are meant to be.
It will keep you from growing and learning, loving yourself and others. Be kind to yourself, Russ. The first time you tried to ride a bike, you fell and stumbled. But, you got back up. Remember the dates you go on are people and treat them as friends. If something grows out of it, then go from there. It's a risk. You have to remember to put their heart first, don't get over involved if you can't follow through. Be up front and let them know you are just starting out. Be willing to say I'm sorry and forgive; especially YOURSELF!
I would say most importantly is to enjoy the dates! Do something fun! Dating is not about getting married.

I haven't ventured into this new arena yet, don't know if I will "venture" or just let something or nothing happen if it crosses my path, or not. I agree with John--the words boyfriend, girlfriend, dating, just don't seem appropriate for someone of my age. For one thing I am far from being a girl! Right now I am busy just living life and if someone falls into my life at some point, then I will think about whether or not I am ready for another relationship. So far there has not been a sign of anyone on the horizon!

Since I was widowed at 60 and rebuilt myself for the first 3 years I certainly wasn't interested in dating or having a boyfriend. It felt silly and my reference was high school and I certainly was past that. But I did feel lonely at times and desired a friend to have lunch with who understood my feelings. I kept myself open to friendship and made a close friend who helped me with my transition into being a whole person. It was followed by meeting a man I loved more romantically and now will spend the years we are given together. Life can be good even after a devastating loss. Sharon

I am open to dating, just haven't met anyone interesting yet. It is very difficult to meet someone new in a tiny town where everyone knows your story. I am over an hour away from any large towns.