HI Edie...how long have you been going out with this guy? and did he know it was your birthday? If he did, then shame on him...you're right that is not thoughtful at all... and I'm not materialstic either, but I am thoughtful and it's not always about the money...it's about showing someone you care....to put it in perspective, I have been going out with Rob for 3 weeks, and he brought me a plant for mother's day AND he brought one for my mom! ( yesterday was the first time he met my parents...) scored big points there!
I don't know that thoughfulness is something you can change...I think you either have a heart of giving just for the joy of it... and those of us who ARE givers are so pleased to see the smiles on the ones we love when we gift them....
Now if you just met and have only gone on one or two dates then MAYBE he can be excused....but none of us needs to settle for something other than the destiny that God has planned for us...I know I"m not.....hugs, Jill

Edie,

I have learned (the hard way) that cheap is cheap in so many more ways than a wallet. My first husband was very "frugal.. no.. he was cheap - unless it was something for him, then he spent freely. And cheap doesn't end with a wallet. He was stingy and cheap in love, generosity of spirit, thoughtfulness, kindness. My late husband had a generous spirit in all things, whether it was a thoughtful gift, giving love freely or donating time or money to a worthy cause.

I don't know the man you are referring to but I would watch for signs of other ways in which he may not be generous, it has been my experience that cheap is cheap is cheap.

- Linda

I'm with Linda. I have learned that someone who is not generous with things is also not generous with affection, time, or emotion.

Making someone feel special on their birthday would be seen as an opportunity by the "right" person. I'm not a materialistic person either, but I do appreciate expansiveness in spirit.

Amy

Sorry, I wish I could tell your something encouraging, but we are here to be honest with each other in order to protect our hopeful yet, still vulnerable hearts.

Forgot about your birthday?! This is too much to tolerate.

Coming from my experience, if someone is not naturally inclined to take care of a woman he is dating, he probably won't change.
Besides, getting a man being a man is like pulling teeth.
Being with a wrong man you are not making yourself availble for the right one.
I wish you being strong making your choice: to stay or to cut it off.
Hug

I agree with Linda and Amy - it's not material things we crave, but to know that someone's thinking about us. A home made card, a song, a tickle - SOMETHING!

Jerry and I hardly gave each other gifts, and usually would do something special for our birthdays etc. instead, but he always made me feel special, and i never doubted that he loved me.

Jill, your guy sounds adorable giving your Mother a plant too - he sounds like a keeper!!!!

The next time around - if G-d gives me a next time, I don't want to have to question anything about someone seeking a relationship With me - I want to be chased, bagged, and have my toes curl from the male of the species ha ha ha. Unless someone is into me first, I'm not going to pursue them , (read this back to me when I need it - ok??).

Seriously, if this bothers you, discuss it with him - " hey, you forgot my birthday!!!! " You deserve the best - we all do. Glad you are addressing this now, in the beginning of your relationship.


Best regards,
Vicki

Edie,

I was struck by your question "...is this something that can be changed...". In the general sense it is not something you can change but it might be something he can change in himself if he was internally motivated to do so.

In the specific sense though, probably not. People are generally stingy (don’t spend on anything), selfish (spend only on themselves) or generous (spend on loved ones). By spend I mean more than just money, time, commitment, care, etc.

Sorry but I don’t think this one is a keeper <sign>.

-Pete-

Edie - I don't have a lot to add other than I agree with the definition of generosity...it not only applies to dollars, it applies to sense as well. He appears to be very selfish. I think YES, you should run!
Hugs and Wishing You ALL the Best,
Cathy

Edie... I am in total agreement with those who feel that this guy is NOT a keeper!!

Wow ! If he is cheap with money and expression of feelings while you are dating... I would be worried that it will only get worse in the future.

I think a guy should express his affections in many ways, not always monetarily and he should let you know in numerous ways how special he thinks you are!!! That is what I am hoping for... kinda like Vicki !!

Hugs, LInda

I tend to agree...cheap is cheap...being thoughtful does not come with a price tag...there are many ways of expressing thoughtfulness that don't cost money...Snake & I never had a lot of money, but he would often surprise me with a bouquet of wildflowers that he stopped to pick on the way home, or a special treat from the restaurant where he worked, or some little trinket he found at the dollar store. And Joseph demonstrates his thoughtfulness in countless ways everyday... I agree with Vicki...if this bothers you, discuss it with him...you deserve to be treated & made to feel as special as you are...we all do.
Blessings & hugs, ~E~

Edie,

Wow I hate to be another bearer of bad news, but here goes. From what I have read in your post I think you already know the answer to your question. It seems as though you are really just asking for confirmation or validation of your feelings rather than questioning what you should do. Forgettting your BD is NOT ok. That would be a deal breaker for me. I always told my husband that I did not need a gift but a special card, a poem, or just some handwritten thoughts that only he could give me is what I wanted. Even though he bought me many BD gifts throughout the years what do I remember and still have? The BD cards. I recently read them over and over and they meant so much. Edie don't sell yourself short, you deserve someones's complete love and attention. When you find the right one you won't have to remind him to be gererous, he will not want it any other way.

Take care and best of luck to you,

Robin

I can't add anything thatr has not been said- you deserve way better - take care lynne

after reading your post and all the replies, I'd say RUN....only my opinion, but he sounds like the type of man that if you have: the time, emotional and the money and want to spend it on him, he'd let you but I don't think he'd spend money, quality time, emotional support, etc on you. Sorry, but I think you hit the nail on the head, you should run....hugs, Sandi