Teenage girls are very emotional. Many of them don't like anyone at times, and I'm sure she is dealing with the loss of her dad. I don't think things will be this way "the rest of your life" - but until she matures a little she probably won't warm up to any man in your life. This is only my opinion - doesn't mean it can't happen.

Maybe if you give it a little more time, and they get to know each other better this would improve. Perhaps a counselor could help her through this hard time and help her understand that your feelings need to be considered. I'm glad you are so concerned about her feelings. I am a widowed grandmother, much older than you, and I feel that parents should move slowly when their new relationship is troubling to their young child/children. Adult children are another matter - and apparently your older sons are OK with this. Wishing you good luck and happiness in the future!

Mel, coming from a split home when I was younger. I can relate to your daughter objecting. Even though divorce is no where near the pain as death.

In my mind at a young age of 14 I thought it was the end of the world. My mom and my step dad were divorcing and my mom had started dating. I was furious with her and with whomever she dated. Eventually I did grow out of it. But looking back I think I was so jealous of someone else stepping into our lives and feeling like they were coming between my family. I am thinking that your daughter is feeling the same. She is very resentful that another man has come into your life after the loss of her dad. She has not had time to soak all of this in and she probably feels overwhelmed with everything changing in her life. Change is such a little word that can cause a heck of a lot of heartache. I wish I could give you the right words but I don't think any words you can say to her right now are going to change her mind. I agree that maybe your counselor can help but you know as well as anybody a teenager has the hormones of a raging bull. Good Luck.

Mel, This is a hard one. Our children are dealing with the loss of a parent while we deal with the loss of a spouse. Both are very emotional and with Father's Day approaching it is harder still for us and them. I went through it too and realized I needed to have really special time devoted to them. I wanted them to be happy for me finding companionship to go to dinner with and enjoy the company with, but they felt abandoned and felt I was choosing him over them. My children were adults, not teenagers, but our family was very close, and anyone I saw wasn't welcome to where they felt their dad should be. I chose to move very slow with any relationship making sure that they knew my love for them would remain. And, most importantly, they had to understand that I was a person, not just the mother role they knew, and I had to be free to do things that made me happy just as they did. Sharon

It is really tough and I try hard to not feel sorry for myself. I'm single but I'm still alive and feeling sorry for myself just brings me down. I also try to not think about tomorrow and what that might bring. It could be nothing. I have no problem giving it more time. I need more time, myself. Parts of me don't want someone disrupting my family. But, then, I do enjoy the company and the companionship. It's almost like I go into automatic pilot. It's just natural. I would love to be the martyr mom who sets it all aside for them and provides everything but I just haven't figured out how to be perfect yet.
It is really tough. I guess no matter what the circumstances are, parenting is just plain hard!

I was a single parent for a lot of years, too, Mel. And it IS hard. My husband had bailed. I had no child support, or any clue where he was…

Of course, I had to work. And then decided to go back to school as well. I remember one semester working 3 days a week, and carrying 21 units! Whew. HOW did I ever do that! I was fortunate to have my parents close by, and they were extremely helpful and supportive.

I DID still manage to find some time…not a lot, but some…to date, to have a social life. Often my son was included in activities. I tried to date when my son had plans; birthday parties, sleep overs, camping trips with grandparents, etc. So that he never felt he was left out.

In some ways, he had it easier than your kids. After the age of two, he never had his dad in the picture. He didn't have to go through a loss like your kids did. You will have to be particularly sensitive, especially on days that are "markers", Father's Day, Birthdays, and Holidays…

I was never perfect. He grew up with "issues" just like I did, and just like his kids will. As parents, we do the best we can. It is important that we put our kids first…we are all they have. But we need to find ways to keep ourselves sane as well. And to be able to interact with other adults. Always a balance. Never easy.

Athankfulone,
I do the same. Date when she is somewhere else, or has made plans for something else. I guess it's true that we all have issues growing up. It's easy as a kid to compare your life to others' lives.
I also went to school and worked full time, but not as a single parent. Glad I did though. I can't imagine being a single parent without a degree.
How do you integrate the two lives? That's so mind boggling. I'm sure again, I need to have patience.