Russ I am kind of in the same place as you on this one. Scared of what. Not sure. If I was guessing and I am guessing for me I think it is fear of hurting someone else. I still dont feel like I really know myself in this new life so I wonder if its fair to involve someone else until I find some sort of inner peace myself. I will be interested to see other responses to your post. This journey has so many layers of confusion to it.

Oh yes, very much so. Comfortable in numbness, because you don't have to worry about hurting other, hurting yourself, hurting yourself by hurting others. The instinct to keep in that small safe place was very strong. However, we as humans require that personal contact. I am not talking about romantic love here, I am talking about friends, family and acquaintances. Better not to feel than to face the consequences. But that isolation is more damning than the fear. In the end, you just take the leap, knowing that you may hurt yourself and you may hurt others, but that the connections are what make life worth living.

Make any sense, guys?
Hugs,
Valerie

I feel the same way. Don't know what I am afraid of. I do the flight thing. Becoming a serial dater. One or two dates, the try to hold my hand, touch me, I draw away. Then they make more dating plans. I make excuses. Then I ignore them, until they don't try anymore. I then breathe a sigh of relief. I think I am waiting for one certain man? But then will I run from him too? There is no perfect person. Sandee

I feel that fear also, and I really think that for me it is a fear of losing again. Maybe it is too soon (14 months) but the thought of going through the grief roller coaster again is just too painful! Darlene

I think for myself there are two opposing fears. The fear of being alone and the fear of losing someone again. If I do nothing I know the outcome. My internal defense system.
I do find it difficult to let someone be close to me. A little at a time, I guess.
Mark

It seems we all share many of the same fears. I am one who does not wish to date again. I no longer am sure if the reason I feel this way is the real reason. It may go deeper, I am sure. In recent weeks I have been thinking about this. Being alone means more time to think about these things!

As I read the many posts here, I wonder what I am missing, that others seem to possess a spark I just don't have. I don't prefer being alone. Of course I would love to have someone to share the rest of my life with but I guess not enough to push forward and take a gamble. Is that what it is? I just don't know.

Russ, it sounds like your feelings are quite normal. I'm not sure how you get past this, but my guess is time and exposure. I think it is perfectly OK to just date without the pressure of being in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with just enjoying someone's company!

Caroline 04 you have summed up my feelings on this subject exactly! Thanks for your post....couldn't have said it better myself!

I can definitely relate to your feelings. I stayed in the hibernation mode emotionally for a while. I remember posting years ago that I was so afraid to reenter the world of living. I was afraid of being hurt. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid of getting attached and loss again.

It came down to what I wanted today. I wanted to be loved for who I was. No longer the starry eyed teenager who innocently thought I had the world in a basket, but someone who knew tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us. I moved cautiously, meeting people who I enjoyed being with. Trying to enjoy today however it was offered. When I met Art for the first time in many years, I felt an attachment. It was scary and wonderful at the same time. I professed not to believe in love at first sight, because I married my best friend who I loved deeply. I was wrong. I'm so glad I took the chance on love again. If we have many years or just a few I am glad I took the chance. I would never change my decision to love and be loved. Sharon

Sharon, you expressed perfectly what I am feeling. Thank you for sharing. I hope to have a future as bright as yours one day.

Sharon, you give me hope. I guess we hold back because of the horrific pain we have been through. I hope to one day be blessed to love again. There is just something missing without that in your life.

I'm afraid I'm too damaged. I'm also afraid of being who someone else wants me to be, have pretty much been doing that already for most of my life. In this new chapter, if it involves a new partner, I want fair say in defining who we are as a couple. It's seems like a lot to navigate through, and easier to just not think about it. Sorry Russ, not much help here from me, glad others have some great thoughts on the topic.